Violation
by Sophia Hawkins
Summary: "NO!" Casey grabbed Severide's phone and disconnected it, and told him, "No cops! I don't need to go to the hospital!" He sank down to the floor and groaned, "I don't want anybody to know what happened, please don't make me do this!" Kelly knelt down to make eye contact with him. "Casey, look at me...I'm asking you to trust me, can you do that?"
1. Chapter 1

Violation

A/N: Just a few things about the story before it begins. This story deals with the issue of male rape but is not explicitly graphic. It does not (for the most part) contain the women characters of Chicago Fire (sorry, Gabby Dawson fans). There will however be a female OC featured in later chapters. Breaking away from the show's canon for more dramatic purposes, Casey and Severide share a house instead of an apartment. All standard disclaimers apply, don't own, don't sue. Hope you enjoy, please read and review.

Kelly Severide was in the mood to get drunk. But he was not in a mood for any bar talk that night. They'd all had a long, hard 24 hours on shift, and then some, three fires, two car crashes, and a suicide attempt that had all of Rescue Squad diving into a freezing cold lake to pull out a 20 year old college student. The last fire they responded to was a six story cluster of trouble, even with help being brought in from other firehouses, the fire wasn't contained until well after shift change, so nobody went home until closer to noon, and now that that was all over and it was night, everybody just wanted to cut loose and enjoy what was left of their 48 hours off shift. All Severide wanted to do was knock back a few drinks until he could hardly see and call it good. So he forewent his usual trip to Molly's and instead stopped at a liquor store on the way home and picked up a couple six packs and a bottle of whiskey. He was still staying with Casey, and he didn't know right off hand what his plans were for the night, but he didn't really care. Just as long as Casey stayed out of his way and didn't get on his case about leaving his empty bottles around the couch before he passed out watching TV, it was all good.

Severide pulled his Mustang up to the curb in front of Casey's house, grabbed the bags out of the passenger seat and got out. The first thing he noticed, which struck him as odd but he didn't really give it too much thought at the time, was that Casey's pickup was in the driveway, but all the lights were out. It was too early in the night for Matt to have already gone to bed. It was possible he'd gone out for the night with someone else, still, he usually took his truck, the only place he really seemed comfortable being a passenger was on Truck.

Kelly got up to the porch and reached for his copy of the housekey which Matt gave him when he moved in, but then he realized that the door was already ajar. Now Severide knew something was wrong. He kept his eyes on what was right ahead of him as he slowly pushed the door open and glanced in. All the lights were out, he couldn't see anything. He was tempted to hotfoot it back to his car and get out the spare Halligan he kept in the trunk, but if Casey was inside and something was wrong, he couldn't waste that much time. Instead he inched his way in, keeping his ears open and watching everything incase anything came charging out of the shadows.

"Matt?" he quietly called out. "Matt, are you here?"

A few more inches in, and Kelly was able to hear something, at first he couldn't tell what, but moving further in, he could hear the muffled sounds of a struggle between at least two people from another room. He held his breath and quietly moved along to find the source of the noise. He cleared the front hall, the dining room, the living room, and headed towards the kitchen, the noises were getting louder now, he could hear one muffled voice talking, but he couldn't hear what was being said, and the other was a series of muffled grunts and groans that sounded like the speaker had been gagged.

The kitchen was also dark, but there were a few sparse lights in it coming off the digital clocks on the oven and the microwave. With what little illumination that put out, Severide felt his eyes widen as he saw the outline of a figure in the middle of the kitchen floor. He almost called out to Casey, but instead he felt along the wall and found the light switch.

The overhead lights came on and in a splitsecond Severide took in the horrific sight of a strange man he'd never seen before, on top of Casey who was sprawled on the floor and laying in his own blood. The intruder quickly got to his feet to turn around and see who had interrupted him when Severide bashed him over the head with the six-pack of beer he'd brought in. The sound of several bottles shattering all at once and the glass falling to the floor was deafening in the otherwise silent house, and the man went down for the count. Now, with his body out of the way of Severide's view, Kelly could see that Matt had his hands bound together with duct tape, as well as another strip over his mouth, which only somewhat muffled the screams he was trying to release now as he saw Kelly in the room. Severide also took into account that Casey had a gash going down one side of his forehead, a small cut on his neck, and blood in his hair as well.

"Oh my God, Casey," Kelly exclaimed as he stepped over the intruder to help his friend.

There was a knife on the floor beside Casey, Severide picked it up and cut through the tape on Casey's wrists. With his free hand he took out his cell phone and dialed 911.

"I want to report a home invasion, the address is..."

Casey tried to scream through the tape again, this time louder than before, and Severide realized a few seconds too late that Matt was trying to warn him.

He felt something hit him square in the back of the head and he went down, the phone knocked out of his hand and clear across the room. Kelly rolled over and realized the intruder had kicked him, and saw him moving to plant his steel toed boot somewhere else on him. He moved away, got to his feet and tackled the man, they both fell back against the table and landed on the floor. While the two of them struggled, Matt ripped the tape off his mouth, scrambled across the floor, picked up Severide's phone, and disconnected the call.

Severide got the upper hand struggling with the intruder and kicked him in the ribs several times. Somehow the man was still able to get to his feet, and he knocked Severide back, then he turned and headed for the front door, and was gone before Severide could get back up.

"Casey," Severide got back to his feet and went over to the man who'd all but collapsed over by the cupboards. "Casey, what happened?"

He realized Casey was holding his phone and he took it back from him and said into it, "Hello the address is...hello?" then he looked at it and realized they'd hung up. He dialed again as he knelt down and placed a hand on Casey's shoulder, "Casey, are you..."

Casey pushed himself to his feet and frantically responded, "Fine, I'm fine, I'm fine..."

"We'll get the cops out here and..."

"NO!"

Severide dropped his phone at Casey's sudden outburst. Before he could pick it up, Casey grabbed it and disconnected it again. He held it over Severide and told him, "No cops!"

"Casey, you were attacked, you need..."

"I'm _fine_ , Severide, I don't need anything."

But it was obvious from looking at Casey that that was hardly the case. Kelly got a better look at the blood on the floor, and he realized there was more there than should've been just going by the cuts on Casey's face and forehead. Then he looked at Casey again, and his heart sank as he realized where the extra blood had come from as he saw the telltale stains on his clothes.

"Oh my God, Casey."

Severide got to his feet and went over towards his friend, who backed up before Kelly could reach him, and he tried to talk some sense into the Truck lieutenant. "We need to get you to the hospital."

"NO!" Casey screamed in a panic again. "I don't need to go to the hospital!"

"Casey..." Severide tried to push as far out of his mind the mental image of what he'd walked in on, but hadn't been able to actually acknowledge had happened until this moment. "Casey, we have to make _sure_ you're going to be alright."

"I said no!"

Kelly took another step towards Casey, who just took another step back and warned him, " _Don't_ touch me!"

Severide held his hands up so Casey could see he was safe. Casey moved back again and this time felt the wall behind him. The fight left him now and he sank down to the floor and groaned, "I don't want anybody to _know_ what happened, please don't make me do this!"

Kelly knelt down to make eye contact with Casey, and kept his hands up where Matt could see them, and told him, "I understand, Matt, I know you don't want to, but we have to know...if this guy had anything...you need to get treatment for it before anything happens."

Casey drew his knees up to his chest and bent his head down against them and started crying. Severide felt terrible, he knew what they _had_ to do but he knew there wasn't any way Casey would go willingly. What could he do? _Force_ him to go to the hospital? Oh that would just be terrific after what Casey had just been through, it would probably be like reliving the attack. But what choice did he have? It sickened him to watch what Casey was going through, but if he was any kind of friend, he had to get Casey help even if he didn't want it.

"Casey, look at me...I'm asking you to trust me, can you do that?"

Casey slowly raised his head and looked at Severide, and Kelly about fell on the floor. Casey's pupils were huge, his skin had instantly turned a shade paler, his breathing was becoming erratic, Kelly reached out and grabbed Casey's wrist, his pulse was rapid, he was going into shock.

Now Severide didn't have a choice. He knew the smart thing to do would be call 911 and let the paramedics handle it since they were actually equipped for it, but he also knew he could reach the hospital quicker than it would take the EMTs to get out here, load him up, and then to the hospital. Severide ran to the bathroom, got a couple large towels, came back to the kitchen, got Casey wrapped up tight in them and carried him out to his car.

"You'll be okay, buddy, just stay with me," he told Matt as he placed him in the passenger side, then ran around to the driver's side and climbed in the window.

* * *

Kelly grumbled to himself as he paced around the waiting room. He didn't have any idea what was going on, it had been almost an hour since anybody had told him anything. He turned around and was relieved beyond words to see a familiar face heading towards him.

"Kelly."

"I'm sorry, Chief, I didn't know what else to do," Kelly said as he hugged the man who just entered the waiting room.

Boden clapped a hand on Severide's back and told him, "It's alright, you did the right thing. How's Casey?"

Kelly stepped back and said, "I don't know...they're supposed to be doing a, a, a kit on him right now...he didn't want to come here, Chief, and I understand it, really I do...but all I kept thinking was...what if this guy has AIDS, or an STD? Or what if Casey needs stitches...or surgery? What if he has internal bleeding or...something punctured, or ruptured, or..."

The battalion chief placed a sympathetic hand on Kelly's shoulder and told him, "Calm down, Kelly, whether Casey thinks so or not, you did the right thing bringing him in either way. If they can collect any DNA for the kit, maybe the CPD will be able to track down the son of a bitch responsible and nail his ass."

It was obvious that Boden was just as thirsty for blood as Severide was, and he took that as a good sign that somebody was on his side.

"He didn't want anybody to know what happened, Chief...now everybody's going to hear about it," Kelly said. "The whole House is going to hear about it eventually, what then?"

"Don't worry about that, I'll handle the House," Boden told him. "This is going to be a difficult situation for everybody to come to terms with, but I'll make sure there are no surprises by the time next shift starts. Now where the hell are the police?"

"I don't know," Severide shook his head. "There's supposed to be one in with Matt while the doctors do the kit...I'm supposed to give one of them my statement...they're going over the house right now for any evidence they can find, Matt's going to hate that too, but I didn't have a choice. He comes in for a rape kit, the police have to be notified, they have to know where he was attacked so they have a better chance of finding DNA or blood or anything that they can catch this guy..."

"Kelly, how are _you_ holding up?" Boden asked.

The question surprised him, "I'm fine, I'm not the one who was attacked."

"Even so, you were there, you are a part of this, how are _you_?"

Severide shook his head. "Fine."

Neither of them said anything after that for several seconds, Severide broke the silence by switching gears, "When I saw all the blood...the blood in his hair...I was just thinking...if this bastard hits him where he fractured his skull years ago...that would kill him. And Casey wouldn't say anything about that, if he did he'd only better his odds of the guy doing just that, whatever happened, he took it all without being able to say or do anything to stop it."

"The important thing is that you were there to stop it before the situation got any worse," Boden said, "Casey's very lucky to have you for a friend."

"He's lucky I planned to drink at home tonight," Kelly replied. "Oh my God, if I'd gone to Molly's and didn't come back until hours later..."

"Don't think about it," Boden shook his head. "No good can come from it."

Kelly turned and saw two cops coming their way, a man and a woman. "What the hell?"

"Are you Kelly Severide?" the male cop asked.

"Yeah, what's going on? Who's in with Casey?" Kelly asked.

"Unfortunately it's been a busy night and we just got here," the woman cop told him. "I'm on my way to see Mr. Casey now."

"Lieutenant," Kelly said.

Boden nudged him.

"Wait, you mean they haven't even _started_ the rape kit yet?" Kelly asked. "What's been going on all this time?" He saw his favorite nurse walk by and followed after her to have a word with her. "April, what the hell's going on with Casey?"

April Sexton turned around, "What do you mean?"

"The cops are just _now_ getting here? What've the doctors been doing all night?"

"I'm sorry, Kelly, we've been backed up all night, our SANE nurse just got through with three children brought in earlier," she said.

"Then where's Casey?" Kelly asked.

"Gone," Maggie answered as she came down the hall.

"What?" Kelly and April asked.

"The nurse just went to start on him and he's gone," Maggie told them. "He left his clothes in a pile on the floor. It looked like he tried to salvage them to wear out of here, then just left them where they were when he realized how bad of shape they're in."

"Wait, _what_?" Severide asked. "Where'd he go?"

"I was hoping you'd seen him coming this way," Maggie said, "we're going to check the whole hospital but it's a good chance he slipped out somehow."

Boden had overheard their conversation and came over to join them.

"If he left his clothes behind, he _wants_ this guy caught, just without all the poking and prodding," Boden said. "Can you get DNA off of them?"

Maggie nodded. "There was plenty of blood and," she cleared her throat, "other bodily fluids."

Kelly felt like he was going to be sick. It was bad enough to inherently _know_ what had happened, but getting all the details was even worse.

"Can you test that for any diseases this guy might've had?" Boden asked.

"Yes."

"Then do it."

Severide was trying to make some sense out of all this. "Do you give a rape patient clothes before their kit's done?"

"They wear a paper gown during the process," Maggie told him. "Even for Chicago, that would still draw a lot of attention if he tried making a getaway like that, especially in this weather."

"Was Matt Casey _cleared_ as far as his shock was concerned?" Boden asked.

"Yes, over an hour ago," Maggie answered.

"Where do you keep the extra scrubs?" Kelly asked. "Maybe he stole a pair so he could slip out unnoticed."

"But where would he go?" April asked.

Severide and Boden looked at each other as they considered that question.

"He wouldn't go home," Kelly said. "The cops are still there, that's the last place he'd go right now."

"So where else would he go?" Boden asked.

Kelly had an idea. "Same place I went when I first moved in with him. Back to 51."

* * *

Severide returned to the station and got a lot of lip from the guys on 3rd Watch who reminded him his shift had already ended the day before. He asked around if Casey had come in that night, everybody said no, still Severide decided to check the bunks for himself, which earned him a lot of death threats if he didn't shut off his flashlight and let the guys there get some sleep. No such luck. Then he checked the bathroom and the showers, again nothing. As he left the station house, he started calling everybody from Truck to see if any of them had seen Casey that night. Everybody else was still at Molly's and collectively agreed none of them had seen Casey that night, and what did he do that Severide was actually looking for him?

So, if he didn't go back to 51, and he didn't go to stay with anybody from 51, where the hell would he go? Severide checked the time and considered the possibility the cops had finally finished at the house and left for the night. He also thought about the possibility Casey might have plenty of experience in waiting somebody out to hide, based on a few details he'd learned about Casey's home life as a child.

Kelly drove back to the house, saw that the police cars were gone, and from the outside anyway, everything looked exactly the same way as before. He went up to the porch and found the crime scene tape down and the door locked, he used his key and headed in. All the lights were still out, the house was deathly still again.

"Casey?" he called, louder than the last time, "Casey? Are you here?"

His instincts told him to turn on the lights, but he decided against it.

Then, a sudden noise caught him off guard and almost made him jump out of his skin. He looked above him and realized it was water running through the pipes in the walls. Then he realized he was hearing something else, the shower upstairs running. He headed for the stairs and ran up.

"Matt?"

Severide was dreading what he might find at the end of the hallway. He heard the water running at full force and saw a light shining through the crack under the door. The door wasn't locked, he slowly opened it and looked in. The room was half full of steam. The curtain to the shower wasn't fully closed, and Severide was able to see from a reflection on the mirror over the sink, Casey sitting on the floor of the shower with his back against the wall and his knees against his chest, letting the scalding hot water pour down on him and not responding to it whatsoever.

Kelly had a dozen different instincts running through him at the same time, and it took every ounce of resistance he had to fight all of them, and instead, back out of the bathroom and shut the door. No matter what he thought, or what he wanted to do, he'd already violated Casey's privacy enough for one night. He wasn't about to make it any worse than he already had.

Instead, Severide resolved himself to go back downstairs and deal with the task of cleaning up the kitchen. He turned on the lights in every room as he passed through, and when he came to the kitchen he had to stop in pause. It all came flooding back to him, here was where Casey curled into a ball and went into shock, here was where he and the bastard fell down and beat the crap out of each other...here...

Severide tried to force the memories away, he got a broom and dustpan and swept up the broken glass and poured it into the trash. Then he got a mop and a bucket, and struggled to fight back the nausea as he proceeded to scrub the dried blood of his best friend off of the linoleum floor.


	2. Chapter 2

There was a knock at the door early the next morning. Severide answered, and was definitely not expecting the person standing on the porch.

"Antonio, what're you doing here?"

The Intelligence cop looked like he hadn't slept, and like he wouldn't be anytime soon.

"Where's Casey?" he asked.

"He's...I don't know, I don't think he even slept last night," Kelly said, then thought of something, "How'd you know about Casey?"

"Can I come in?"

Severide didn't answer, but he also didn't stop Antonio.

"Voight was getting a tape from the dispatch call center last night when you phoned in," Dawson explained as he took out his phone and pressed something. He held it up and Severide heard the dispatcher's voice.

 _"911, what is your emergency?"_

Then he heard his own voice.

 _"I need to report a break in, assault with a deadly weapon, battery...and_ _rape."_

 _"Were_ _you_ _assaulted, sir?"_

 _"No, my roommate, I just got home and found him being attacked."_

 _"Is the attacker still in your home?"_

 _"No, he ran out. I don't know where he went."_

 _"Is your roommate conscious, sir?"_

 _"Yes, he's in shock, I rushed him to the hospital."_

 _"Which hospital, sir?"_

 _"Chicago Med. He needs a rape kit, we need a cop over here to help with that."_

 _"Police are on their way. What is your address?"_

Antonio pressed something on his phone and stopped the call.

"Voight heard that?" Kelly asked.

"How do you think I got this copy?" Antonio asked. "I know there are already cops on this case but I want you to know that Intelligence has its foot in the investigation too. We want to see this bastard caught just as much as Casey does."

"I don't know about that," Severide said. "Casey didn't want to go to the hospital, he didn't want the kit done, he didn't want anybody knowing, I don't think he wants the cops to find this guy."

"Well it's understandable," Antonio replied, "you know how bad the stigma for rape is already, it's worse for guys, especially any in a position of authority, because then everybody starts wondering 'how could he LET that happen?' Just like when guys are getting the crap beat out of them by their wives, people understand why a woman won't fight back or leave, but they don't understand a man who won't."

Kelly took it all in and told Antonio as he shook his head, "None of this makes any sense."

"I talked to the cops who searched the house last night," Antonio said, "they found no signs of forced entry, it looks like either Casey let this guy in or he had a key."

Severide shook his head. "No way, Casey would never do that."

"Has he lost any keys lately?" Antonio asked.

"No...I don't know..."

"This guy had a knife?" Antonio asked.

"Yeah...I should've told the cops they wouldn't be able to get any prints off it, I used it to cut Casey loose, the bastard had him tied up with duct tape."

"I know," Antonio said, "they bagged it for evidence. Kelly...how are _you_ holding up?"

" _Why_ does everybody keep asking me that?" Kelly asked. "I'm not the one who was attacked!"

"You walked in on your best friend being attacked," Antonio corrected him, "that's something you're going to live with for the rest of your life. And maybe wonder if you could've done more to stop it."

"I did what I could," Kelly replied, "I bashed him over the head, we got into it, I kicked the crap out of him, he ran out...maybe I _should've_ tried following him, maybe I could've caught him, but I had to make sure Casey was alright."

"And is he?"

"I don't know, he ran away from the hospital before they could do the kit," Severide said. "I haven't talked to him since I got back. I know he's mad at me for taking him."

"He's not mad at you, Kelly," Antonio said. "He's mad at the guy who attacked him, and at himself because he couldn't stop it. All the questions that he knows everybody else is going to be asking, he's already gone through them all himself. And there's no answer. Nothing can ever prepare anyone for being raped. And nothing can prepare anybody for what comes next."

"Which is?" Severide asked.

"Say the cops catch this guy, arrest him, it goes to trial, any lawyer he gets is going to turn it all back on Casey, just like they do all the victims. That's why nobody ever wants to press charges, nobody wants a trial, nobody wants their neighbors to know what happened to them. I've learned the statistics on this stuff, half a million rapes occur every year in this country, but only 2% of the rapists ever go to jail. And those are just the ones we _know_ about, how many others do the victims hide from the world because they're too embarrassed or scared to report it?"

"But I don't get it," Kelly said, "Maggie said they could get DNA off Casey's clothes, whether the guy's in the system or not, you catch him, you take his DNA, it's a match, that's proof. I was here, I _saw_ it, eyewitness testimony, that's proof too."

"Eyewitness testimony is highly unreliable," Antonio said.

"You catch this guy, I will pick him out of _any_ lineup, then tell me it's unreliable," Severide told him.

"I'm not questioning your abilities, Severide," Dawson replied. "I'm just letting you know what is in store if they do find this guy and it does go to trial. And I think Casey already has a very good idea about all of it."

"How would he?" Kelly asked.

Antonio explained, "Matt Casey has spent a large part of his life in the courts, the public eye, the media, his mom's trial, the campaign smears, the whole alderman escapade, he knows the system doesn't work in the good guy's favor. And any lawyer worth his weight in slime could turn all of it around on him. And there's something else to consider, Kelly. Maybe part of why he's so eager to drop the whole thing is because he wants to protect you as well."

"Me?" Severide did a double take. "What does that mean?"

"At best, this guy's lawyer could say this was a consensual affair gone sour and Casey is just the bitter ex-lover who likes it rough," Antonio told him. "At worst, he could say that this was a gay love triangle gone wrong and Casey only cried rape because you walked in on him sleeping with another man."

Severide was slow to respond to that because his brain was having trouble taking in what Antonio was saying. However, once it all registered, Kelly summed up his response with a solitary, "WHAT?"

"Think about it, Kelly, you two live together, 'roommates', neither of which has any substantial relationship with any woman, a defense lawyer will milk that to the jury for all it's worth, and all the tabloids will run with it, 'Steamy Gay Firehouse Romance', then all of 51 will be dragged through the mud as well."

Severide shook his head and told Antonio, "I don't care! I know what the truth is, and I'll get up in any court and testify to exactly what happened."

"And you'll keep your cool on the stand as the defense insinuates you and Casey were sweating up the sheets every night and paints you as a hotheaded scorned lover who intimidated Casey into pressing charges against this guy?" Dawson asked.

"Why are you doing this?" Severide asked, "Casey's the victim here."

"I'm just telling you how this will likely go if this actually goes to trial," Antonio said. "There's a reason why most victims don't come forward." There was a pause between them as Severide calmed down, and Antonio added, "I also wanted to give you a heads up, you're still staying with Casey, right?"

"Yeah, I still live here."

"Then you should know for the next several days, or weeks, you're the most likely candidate to be Casey's punching bag," Antonio said. "Right now he's angry and hurting and he's going to take it out on anyone who's available, and right now that's you, and assuming this guy is caught, that's not going to fix it, that's not going to make it all go away, even if it goes to trial and he's convicted, that's not going to fix everything either, he will very likely still have these issues. If you insist on staying with him through this, you're going to have be more patient now than you've probably ever been in your life."

Severide stared at Antonio and said nothing at first, then, firmly but quietly, he responded, "I _know_. Incase you forgot, Antonio, this isn't my first experience of someone I care about being raped."

Antonio stared back at him and slowly nodded. "I know, I'm sorry." He took a step back and added, "Look, Kelly, I can't tell you for sure what Casey's going to do, just anticipate the next few days being a hundred shades of Sybil. Denial, guilt, anger, depression, he'll switch from one to the other at a moment's notice, he could be triggered by little things you don't even think about. Nightmares, agitation, hostility, insomnia, isolation, flashbacks, PTSD is very common for rape survivors. If Casey decides to get professional help, I can recommend some people."

"I already know someone," Kelly responded.

"Okay, just trying to help," Antonio put the card back in his pocket. "Look Kelly, Casey's very lucky to have you for a friend, just know that he's going to be very hard to live with for the next few days...and try to remember it's not his fault."

Severide nodded. "I understand. Antonio, if you catch this guy..."

"Say no more," Dawson responded. "You saw this guy, you can describe him?"

Kelly nodded. "About my height, little older than me, about 180 or 200 pounds, hair buzzed short, skin was kind of ashy, wearing a green jacket, black shirt, work jeans and...steel toed boots."

"Got it," Antonio said, "if you or Casey see him again, or if he tries to come back...call us instead of 911."

"Got it," Kelly replied. "Thanks, Antonio."

* * *

Boden had called everyone else from 2nd Watch and had them all come in. The people on 3rd Watch were very confused, and irritated by having the guys from last shift come in and get in their way. Boden made it clear he was calling an emergency meeting in the briefing room and it would only take a few minutes and then they would be out of 3rd Watch's hair. He hadn't told anybody what it was all about, so everybody showed up in their civilian clothes, all of them very confused and asking one another if anybody knew what it was all about, and none of them did. It slowly dawned on all of them that Casey and Severide were both absent, but still didn't put the pieces together. Boden had everybody come in, sit at their desks, and he explained the situation to all of them the best he could.

When Boden finished with the gory details, he took in everybody's sullen faces as they looked around to one another, trying to make sense of what they'd just been told.

"So that's the situation at hand," he told them. "I don't know yet if Casey will be coming on at next shift or not. I would prefer if he would take time off to recuperate, but as long as he can do his job when he comes in, I won't turn him away if he prefers to stay busy so he doesn't have to dwell on what's happened. As far as he currently knows, nobody from this house except Severide knows what happened last night. And until the CPD comes here to personally deliver an update, there is no reason Casey has to know that we know anything. When he comes in, nobody talk to him about what happened, nobody treat him any differently from any other shift, or he'll know something is up. Severide brought me in on this in strict confidence, and I am telling you so there are no excuses for anybody inadvertently saying or doing anything that could be interpreted wrong and tie back to his attack. Lieutenant Matt Casey needs the support of everyone here at Firehouse 51 more than ever...when he's ready to tell us what happened, he will, in the meantime, keep an eye on him, don't confront him, but make sure he knows he's not alone." He looked around at his men and concluded, "Dismissed."

* * *

"I don't know, Otis, I don't think I can do this," Joe said as they were leaving the firehouse.

"Do what?" Brian asked.

"What if I accidentally say the wrong thing when I see Casey?" Cruz asked.

"Like what? 'Oh hey Lieutenant, we heard you were assaulted Friday night, how's that going for ya?', something like that?"

"You heard the chief," Cruz said. "But how am I supposed to act like everything's normal when I know what happened to him?"

Brian looked at him and responded from personal experience, "It's hard as hell."

Then Cruz realized he'd messed up. "I'm sorry, Otis, I forgot..."

"Yeah well, time might heal some people's wounds, but not most," Brian replied. "I have never heard one word from Katie once she left Chicago...doubt I ever will. Quite ironic, one day we're madly in love, the next day some bastard puts her through hell, and the day after that, she doesn't want to see me again."

"You don't think that'll happen with Casey, do you?" Cruz asked.

"I never dated him, Cruz," Otis said. "Seriously, no, Casey will never leave 51, we're family."

"I hope you're right, Otis," Cruz said as they headed to their cars, "I hope you're right. But what happens if Casey does show up at next shift?"

"Then we just act like we always have," Otis answered.

"And what if I slip and say something stupid?" Cruz asked.

"Ask Mouch, he does it all the time."

* * *

Kelly was seated at the kitchen table when Casey finally came down. He looked like hell. He hadn't shaved, his hair wasn't combed, his clothes had been hastily thrown on, he looked like he hadn't slept for a week. Kelly remembered what Antonio said and decided to go with the least offensive comment possible. "Morning."

"I hate you," Matt said as he headed over to the fridge.

Well that was simple enough.

"I can live with that," Severide responded nonchalantly.

Casey slammed the fridge door shut and turned around. "Why did you make me go to the hospital?"

"You were in shock, I had to take you," Kelly said simply.

"Why did you make me stay for the rape kit?" Casey asked as he went over to the table.

Kelly chose his words carefully. "Because I had to know that you'd be alright."

"It was _hell_ , Severide!" Casey told him. He sat down across from Kelly and told him, "They left me in that room for over an hour, they wouldn't let me have anything to drink, they wouldn't let me use the bathroom, they wouldn't let me take a shower..." the fight started to leave him and he groaned as he beat the table with his fist. "And then I'm supposed to stand around naked for another hour being probed and swabbed and violated while some cop asks me about my sex life and about how the attack happened, and somebody taking pictures of me with a ruler to measure the size of my wounds. Nobody should have to go through that, I don't care what anybody says."

Kelly tried to think of how to ask the question that was bugging him, and he decided all he could do was come out and ask. "Casey, I have a question...the police said the door wasn't forced open...did you know the guy who was here? Did...did you let him in?"

The look in Casey's eyes told Severide all he needed to know, and he moved just before Casey tried to lunge across the table to kill him. Kelly grabbed Matt and pinned him against the tabletop so he couldn't attack him.

"Let me go!" Casey screamed as he violently struggled against Severide's hold.

"I'm not blaming you, Casey," Kelly said softly. "Just tell me, do you know who it was? Had you seen him before?"

"NO! I HAD NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE, I DON'T KNOW WHO HE WAS, NOW LET GO OF ME!"

Kelly gave it a couple more seconds, then released his hold on Casey, who pulled himself up from the table and slid back in a chair, grunting and huffing like a wild animal.

"I'm sorry, Casey."

Matt loudly inhaled and exhaled a couple more times as he pulled himself together and tried to calm down. He looked at the floor beside the table and lowered his head.

"You...you..." Casey raised his hands to his face and couldn't form the sentence. Severide could guess what it was though that he was trying to say. Casey saw the floor, the very spot where he'd been attacked, and today the floor was spotless, there was no longer any visible reminder of what had happened there. It had been a job Severide hoped he never had to do again.

"Casey..." Severide knelt down to hug his friend.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"

"I'm sorry," Kelly felt himself move back before he was even aware he'd done it. "Casey, the cops are going to catch this guy."

"I don't _want_ them to catch him," Matt responded. "I want this whole thing to be buried and forgotten, and move on with my life."

Casey slumped forward in his seat and hit his forehead against the table. Kelly moved towards him again, but remembered not to reach for him and instead forced himself to stay at a distance.

"I'd just gotten home," Casey said, his eyes squeezed shut as he remembered. "I didn't even think about it...same routine every day, after a while you don't think about it because nothing ever happens."

"What, Casey?" Severide asked. "What is it?"

Casey pounded the table with his fist repeatedly before he broke down and confessed, "I forgot to lock the door."

Kelly forgot about Casey's warning and placed a hand on his back. Casey cringed under his touch and made some incoherent sound which sounded faintly like "Don't!", but otherwise didn't react. Severide took that as a sign of improvement and consolingly rubbed his back.

"It's going to be alright, buddy, it's going to be alright."


	3. Chapter 3

"Alright, everyone," Boden addressed his men as they came in for shift, "Severide's given me the heads up he and Casey _are_ coming in today. Remember what I told you, don't let on that you know anything, don't act any differently than you do any other shift. Understood?"

Everybody answered in agreement and tried to prepare for what was coming.

"So have you heard anything out of Severide?" Herrmann asked Otis.

"Not a word," Brian said, "guess it makes sense, doesn't want to risk Casey overhearing anything."

Cruz stood in the middle of the room with a worried look on his face. "Tell me again what I do when they come in."

"Just act normal, Joe," Brian said, then taking into account his friend's panicked expression, added, "Try and _look_ normal too."

"So what do we talk about exactly so as to avoid the elephant in the room?" Mouch asked.

"Geez, whatever you usually talk about," Herrmann said, "all that union crap nobody cares about."

"Oh, good idea."

"Otis, you talk about those weird old movies nobody else watches," Herrmann said.

"Got it."

"Joe, you talk about...I don't know, the last time Otis's Babba came to visit."

Cruz nodded. "I can do that."

It wasn't often that anybody on Squad ever asked the opinion of anybody on Truck, but Capp asked Herrmann, "What should I talk about?"

"You just stand there and act clueless as usual," Herrmann told him.

"Huh?"

"Perfect," Herrmann gave him the 'okay' sign.

A couple minutes later, the two lieutenants walked into the firehouse.

"Hey Lieutenant, you look like hell," Herrmann said, taking in the sight of the partially healed cuts on Matt's face, "you going behind our backs and getting in bar fights somewhere else?"

"Something like that," Casey shortly replied as he walked on by to the locker room.

Severide stuck behind for a minute, and when they were sure Casey was out of earshot, he told them what was going on.

"He's going on like no sleep for the past two nights, guys," Kelly said, "keep an eye on him."

"How's he doing otherwise?" Brian asked.

"Trying to forget what happened, which _isn't_ working at all," he answered.

"Do the cops got any leads on the bastard that did this?" Herrmann asked.

"Not yet. Now everybody please remember to shut up and don't say anything," Kelly told them.

* * *

"I don't know, Chief, he seems able to keep his mind on the job on shift, I guess that's something," Kelly told Boden a couple shifts later in his office away from any and all prying ears, intentional or otherwise. "Meanwhile he hardly eats, he sits up all night looking at the TV. He's not even watching it, his eyes are just glazed over. He won't go out, he won't see anybody..."

"Do you think he would benefit from staying home for a couple shifts?" Boden asked.

Severide looked to the side and shook his head, "Honestly, Chief, I'm worried about leaving him alone all day if you do. I mean he won't talk to me, and he tries to kill me if I get too close to him, but I can at least keep an eye on him."

"I could call in a temporary replacement for Squad while you were out," Boden told him.

"But you can't bump Casey from Truck without a reason, or he'll know something's up," Kelly said.

"Have you _seen_ Casey lately?" Wallace asked. "He looks like he escaped from a Living Dead movie, anybody who looks at him can tell something's wrong. Sleep deprivation impairs a person the same as being legally intoxicated, I would not keep someone working here who was drunk on the job, how then can I in good faith keep a lieutenant on shift who has been up for 120 hours?"

"Okay, yeah, that would work as an official reason, but he's not going to sleep just because you send him home," Kelly said, "and it wouldn't explain why I'm staying home with him."

"He might be compelled to sleep if it meant the difference in keeping and losing his job," Boden said, "and _you_ screwed up on your last Rescue mission, proper reprimands would be suspending you from Squad for the next couple shifts and bringing in a temporary replacement who knows how to play by the rules."

Severide slowly put together what Boden was saying and nodded. "That just might do it. I'm willing to give it a try if you are, Chief."

"Where's Casey now?"

"It's been a slow shift, he's in the bunk room."

"The bunk room?"

"I don't get it either, but I wasn't about to disturb him."

"Asleep?"

"Barely, he jumps up at any sound."

"And there is no shortage of those in a firehouse," Boden replied. "Let's see how long he stays asleep, I'll break the news to him at the end of shift, and you better get ready for the argument of your life to look convincing."

"Got it, Chief."

* * *

Severide walked over to the ambulance where Sylvie was doing an inventory check.

"Hey Brett, you got anything in there that can knock somebody out?" he asked as he folded his arms and crossed one foot over the other.

She giggled with a small smile, "Of course, Severide."

"Can I borrow some?" he asked.

She looked at him with a vexed expression. "What for?"

"Casey, if he doesn't start getting some sleep soon, it's going to kill _both_ of us," he answered.

"How's that going anyway, Severide?" Cruz asked.

"You don't want to know," he answered as he shook his head.

"Have you heard anything from the police?" Otis asked.

"No...oh wait, they did call with the results on the DNA on Casey's clothes."

"And?" Herrmann asked.

Severide looked at all of them and slowly answered, "Casey's safe, the guy wasn't infected with anything."

Everybody let out a small sigh of relief at that.

"But do they know who it is?" Otis asked.

"No, apparently this guy never got arrested before," Kelly answered.

"I say if we find the guy first," Herrmann said, "we take him out behind Molly's, string him up like a pinata and take turns whacking at him with a couple Halligans."

* * *

"Casey...Casey!"

"Ah!" Matt's eyes popped open before he could even remember where he was. He half rolled on his side and then saw Brian standing next to his bunk.

"Otis, what the hell are you doing?" he asked.

"It's shift change, it's time to get out of here and go home," Brian told him.

"What?" Casey looked at his watch. "How long was I asleep?"

"Given the work we do, not long enough. It was a slow night, no calls," Otis said as Casey got up. "You got any plans for the weekend?"

"Nope."

"You uh, got any pressing construction work?"

"Nope."

"Well then, you want to come with Cruz and me to a midnight showing of "The Gorgon"?"

"No, and for that matter, why is Cruz going?" Casey asked as they left the bunk room.

"He's got nothing to do Saturday night," Brian said for an answer. "The guy's dating life is at a standstill right now. The only fact more depressing is the one that mine is equally nil that I've been around to notice it. So we thought we'd try a guys' night out."

The two of them were on their way to the locker room to change when they got in the middle of the guys from Rescue horsing around in the middle of the floor. Capp wasn't watching what he was doing and lost his footing and fell back against Casey.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Matt screamed as he blindly reached out and put Capp in a choke hold.

It took three guys to pry Casey off of Capp, and when they did he switched to trying to kill them, lashing out and still screaming at them not to touch him. Boden finally had to come out from his office and restrain Casey, who after a few futile attempts to break loose, finally lost the fight in him. When Wallace was satisfied that there would be no relapse, he let go of Casey, who struggled to catch his breath, and saw everyone looking at him like he'd lost his mind.

"I'm sorry," he told Capp, "I'm sorry."

"Lieutenant, my office," Boden told Matt.

* * *

"I don't know what happened, Chief, I'm sorry," Casey said. "I feel horrible about this."

"I know you do, Casey," Boden replied. "but I'm concerned about you. Is there something going on you want to tell me about?"

"No." Casey shook his head.

"Matt, I've been paying attention the last couple shifts. You look terrible, are you even getting any sleep?"

"I'm fine, Chief. I'm fine."

"Casey, you just tried to kill a man who's twice your size, who has worked at this firehouse for more than five years, because he bumped into you. Something is _not_ fine. Casey, look at me...have you been having headaches again lately? Any memory problems?"

Casey's eyes widened. "Chief, I haven't had any problems with my head since I got cleared to go back to work."

"That's good, I'm glad to hear it, but _something_ is wrong, and I'm not sure I can let you work next shift if there's a chance this could happen again."

"It won't, I..."

There was a knock at the door, Casey turned and saw it was Severide, looking like he was about to get his ass handed to him. "You wanted to see me, Chief?"

"Come in and close the door," Boden said. As Kelly did, Boden told Matt, "I'd planned on talking to Severide alone but...I guess what I'm going to say to him, it won't hurt you being present for."

"What is it?" Severide asked.

"Sit down."

He did. "What's going on, Chief?"

"Do you know a man named Charles Lafferty?" Boden asked.

"Uh..." Kelly shook his head, "don't think so...should I?"

"I got a call today, seems he's making claims that you beat him up in a bar fight two nights ago."

"What?" Kelly's eyes widened. "Chief, all due respect that's a load of crap. I haven't even gone out all week."

"Kelly, you are going to _have_ to come up with a better story than that," Boden said.

"I'm not lying..." Kelly turned to Casey, "Matt, back me up here."

Casey nodded, "I can vouch for that, Chief, he's been staying at my place every night."

"Well that's one thing in our favor," Boden told them. "However the man is insistent and he seems to have some very convincing pictures of his alleged injuries. So far there haven't been any witnesses to come forward and say one way or another..."

"But we all know witnesses can be paid to lie," Kelly said.

"Mm-hmm, so can you think of any reason why this guy Lafferty might have it in for you, Severide?" Boden asked.

"No, I never heard of the guy, and I sure as hell didn't beat him up the other night," Kelly said.

"Well, in light of all the problems you've had before, I'm going to err on the side of caution," Boden said. "While the matter is being investigated, I'm taking you off active duty for the next couple shifts. It wouldn't look good for Squad _or_ 51 if the public was under the impression we had a loose cannon leading Rescue."

"Chief, you can't do that!"

"Don't make me extend your leave, Kelly," Boden warned him. "And in the meantime I don't want you running around confronting anybody involved in the matter and making things worse."

"Chief, I don't do that, I get to the truth of the matter."

"Even so, that's what the investigators are for, and this is one time you need to _sit back_!" Boden screamed at him, "and let them do their job. The truth will come out, in the meantime don't make it worse for yourself."

Kelly looked like he was going to hit the ceiling. "This isn't right, Chief!"

"I know it's not, but I also know we have had enough bad press in the last few years, regardless of it all being false, that we don't need another major hit right now. So I want you off shift until the week after next."

"But..."

"Casey," Boden turned to the other lieutenant. "I regret having to do this, but I'm going to take you off shift until then too. Since Severide's still living with you, I want you to keep an eye on him for me and make sure he doesn't get into anymore trouble until this whole thing clears up, I don't want any surprises. I don't need any reports coming back to me that Severide confronted this guy Lafferty trying to get a confession out of him. Herrmann can fill in as acting lieutenant until you get back."

Casey wasn't sure what to make of that. But he slowly nodded, "Okay, Chief, I'll try."

"Chief, I don't need a babysitter," Severide insisted.

"And I don't need another replacement sent in for a full time position who then comes after _my_ position because he doesn't approve of the way I run my house," Boden responded. "You know I don't make idle threats, you either do this, Kelly, or you're gone."

The look on Severide's face took Casey back to several years ago, when they learned Jones' father was transferring her out.

 _"It's gonna be like killing Bambi."_

Oddly enough, he got the same feeling watching Severide now.

* * *

"Did I hear Chief right?" Casey asked as they left the station house. "I'm babysitting _you_?"

"Irony is cruel," Kelly said, "you _know_ I didn't do anything."

"Well, not _lately_ anyway," Matt replied.

"Hey Severide, what'd you do now?" Otis asked as he and Cruz caught up with the two lieutenants.

"Shut up, Otis," Kelly said.

"So does this mean that Severide's on like house arrest?" Joe asked Casey.

"Keep it up, Cruz, I'll jump the fence and pay _you_ a visit in the middle of the night."

"Everybody just knock it off," Casey told them. "Chief's right, the truth will eventually come out and this whole thing will blow over, and we'll be back to business as usual."

"I wish we already were," Severide said as he looked at Casey.


	4. Chapter 4

Kelly watched Casey as he slept on the couch. It was the middle of the afternoon and Matt was sprawled over the sofa, breathing steadily, for all intents and purposes he seemed dead to the world, and Severide was all for keeping it that way.

Casey hadn't slept a single night in his bed since the attack happened, after the first couple nights he gave up even trying and just spent his nights on the couch. If they got lucky, he might sleep for a couple hours after sitting up all night. Incidentally that was about all the more sleep Severide had been getting lately as well. As soon as they were home for the night every night the past week they'd been off shift, Casey locked the door and parked himself on the couch, it didn't seem likely whatsoever that if Kelly took his eyes off Matt for a couple hours, that Casey would go out and do something desperate. All the same he didn't feel right about leaving him unattended.

Kelly picked up the blanket on the back of the couch, unfolded it and draped it over Casey, who responded with a shocked yelp and shot up wide awake.

Dammit.

"Sorry, man," Kelly said.

Casey breathed heavily as he took in his surroundings and remembered where he was.

"Sorry, I was just trying to help," Severide told him.

"What time is it?" Casey asked.

"About 15 minutes since you fell asleep. Lie back down."

Casey became defensive, "Don't tell me what to do."

"I'm sorry, okay?" Kelly also became defensive, and told Casey, "I'm just trying to help!"

Casey sucked in a long breath and rubbed his eyes, and told Kelly, "I know you are...and I appreciate it, even though you can't tell it. I just don't have any idea what I'm doing anymore, Kelly."

"I understand."

Casey sighed and flopped his head back against the arm rest. "I want my life back the way it was."

"I know."

Kelly leaned over and asked him, "Can I touch you?" Without waiting for an answer he placed a hand on Casey's shoulder. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I think you need to tell the guys what's going on."

"No!" Casey groaned. "I don't want anyone else to know, it's bad enough that _you_ know."

"Casey...worst case scenario, you tell them, they have to learn to deal with it, just like you have to. Why does that scare you so much?"

Casey looked up at him and answered simply, "If it had been you..." he shook his head. "You wouldn't tell them. You wouldn't tell anyone."

"And I'm told that's one of my lesser endearing qualities," Severide responded.

"How can I lead my men on Truck, when all the time I have to wonder what they're thinking when they look at me?" Casey asked.

"They're not going to think any differently of you than they already do," Kelly told him.

"Yes they will, it's inevitable, once you know, you can't get it out of your head," Matt replied as he sat up. "And the next time we get somebody _new_ at 51, what then? The guys there, they're family, they've been with us forever, but we get somebody new who has something to prove..."

"You're getting ahead of yourself," Severide said as he lightly pushed Casey back down against the cushions and tossed the blanket over him, "calm down."

"I've never been able to get ahead of myself once in my whole life," Casey said. "Every time I think I know what I'm doing, everything goes to hell all over again."

"It's going to be alright, Casey, just trust me," Kelly told him.

* * *

Kelly waited until Casey was in the shower, that was the only time he was ever really alone, and called Boden to give him an update, and to get an update on how they were going to handle things at the station house.

"I don't think the guys will be able to keep what they know a secret much longer," Wallace told Kelly. "When you guys come in, I'm going to find a way to break the news to Casey."

"You can't do that, Chief," Severide said.

"I've got a plan, Kelly, just trust me on this."

There was that word again. Trust.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Well it won't be pretty, but I'm thinking we can at least contain the damage," Boden told him. "Once Casey knows that we know, it should be easier for him to come to terms with."

"I hope so, Chief, he's having a rough time right now."

"And you?"

"Let's just say I've been better," Severide responded.

"I'm proud of you, Kelly, I know this hasn't been easy for you."

"This isn't about me, I wasn't the one who was attacked. Casey was..." Severide lowered his voice and looked to the ceiling, he would swear Casey couldn't hear him but he didn't want to chance it. Quietly, he said into the phone, "Casey was, and he's worried that everybody's going to treat him different when they find out."

"That's usually a pretty big motivator to keep quiet," Boden told him. "We all fear the day we lose the respect of those who matter most to us."

Severide smirked to himself and asked, "You been talking to Doctor Charles lately, Chief?"

"Have _you_?" Boden replied.

"No," he answered, "nah, I'm doing fine."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"I know this has been hard on both of you, but keep an eye on Casey, I'll feel better once he knows it's all out in the open and he doesn't have to worry about hiding it anymore," Boden said.

"I'll feel better when the cops catch the bastard who did this," Severide responded.

"We all will."

* * *

Casey never came back downstairs, which worried Severide, so he went to make sure nothing was wrong. The lights were on in the room at the end of the hall and he saw Casey laying on his bed staring at the ceiling. Severide knocked on the doorframe and asked, "Hey, you want some company?"

"No, go away," Casey replied.

"Okay." Instead, Severide showed himself in and climbed on the other side of the bed.

Casey sat up and said, "I told you to get out."

"Oh come on, Casey, you heard Boden, you're the designated babysitter who's supposed to be watching me, remember?" Severide teased.

Casey looked at him with an annoyed expression and tried to be serious but after a few seconds he broke out in a smirk and a snorting laugh.

"Aha, that's a sign of improvement," Kelly said, "that's the first time I've seen you smile since this whole mess started."

Casey reached over and jabbed Severide with his elbow.

"Admit it, Casey," Kelly said, "you don't _really_ hate me, do you?"

"That depends on what day it is," Matt answered.

This time it was Severide who laughed in response.

"So what're you doing up here?" he asked.

"Thought I'd give it a try again," Casey said, "maybe this time I'll actually be able to sleep."

"Hope so," Severide said, "I think Boden's starting to realize something's wrong. You go in on the next shift looking as bad as you do now and try to work, he'll kill you."

The spontaneity of his statement made Casey laugh for a second, then he was jabbing at Severide again telling him, "Get out of here."

"Alright," Kelly finally replied as he got up and headed for the door. "Yell if you need anything."

* * *

It was the screaming that woke him up.

It had started the night after Casey came back from the hospital. Almost like clockwork, every hour he would wake up screaming, and every time, Severide would go rushing out from his room over to Casey's to make sure nothing was actually wrong. After the first few times, he took to sleeping with his light on so he didn't run into any of the furniture as he dashed to the door. When Casey switched to staying on the couch all night, Severide moved downstairs and slept in the chair next to the couch. Only running on a couple hours' sleep at night, Casey didn't seem to experience near as many nightmares, but it still didn't make things any easier for Severide because he still stayed up all night watching him until he did go to sleep.

Once again Kelly jumped out of bed, ran out of his room, down the hall and over to Matt's room. The lights were still on and he saw Casey writhing around in the bed like he was struggling with someone. Unfortunately the only way Severide knew to really bring him out of a nightmare was to grab him and shake him which usually resulted in Casey going into survival mode and trying to choke Kelly until he was wide enough awake to realize what he was doing.

And once again, Severide stood over the bed and grabbed Casey by the shoulders and shook him. This time, instead of Casey's hands going straight for his jugular, Matt raised his hands over his head and screamed even louder, and it made Kelly's blood run cold. _This_ was the sound of sheer terror. After several agonizing seconds, it was over, and Casey shot up in bed and opened his eyes.

"Casey, are you alright?"

But it was obvious he wasn't. He was covered in sweat and he had a wild look in his eyes as his surroundings hadn't fully registered yet. When he finally seemed to recognize where he was, he gasped for air, his eyes were wide, and he looked one step away from having a panic attack.

"It's alright, Casey, it's over, you're alright."

Casey saw Severide reaching for him and pushed himself back. "No, don't touch me, stay away from me."

"Casey, it's alright, it's me, it's Severide."

"No, leave me alone, don't!"

Severide watched Casey's movements and realized if he scooted back two more steps, he'd hit the ground running and be out the door, and what he'd do then was anybody's guess, but Kelly wasn't willing to chance it, instead he threw himself on the bed and grabbed Casey so he couldn't get away. Matt screamed and struggled and tried to get loose, but Kelly maintained a hold on him and pinned him to the mattress. In the deep recesses of his mind it occurred to him that that was probably the worst thing he could do since it might trigger another flashback to Casey's attack, but right now he was more worried about what Casey might do to himself in a panic if he got loose than what his less than orthodox tactics might do to his mental health.

"Calm down, Casey, it's alright, it's just me."

Severide kept his weight against Casey but managed to get him turned over to see him. Matt stopped struggling and stopped screaming and closed his eyes and fell back against the pillow. A few seconds later, he opened his eyes, looking more alert now, and asked Severide, "What happened?"

That was what Kelly would've liked to know too.

"I don't know," he answered as he shifted his weight away from Casey. "I think..."

He _didn't_ think it would do any good to tell Casey he was having a flashback, the Truck lieutenant was trying his damnedest to act like nothing was wrong and he was getting better, he'd see this as a huge step back.

"I think it was some kind of sleepwalking," he said.

Casey looked confused as he took that in, he shook his head to try and clear it.

"I don't remember anything," he said.

Thank God for small favors.

"You okay?" Kelly asked.

Matt thought about it and slowly nodded, a bit uncertainly.

* * *

Ever since Casey's attack, Severide had also gotten to waking at the drop of a pin, he always kept an ear open incase anything happened with Matt. He woke up this time to the sound of Casey's breathing. It was shallow, erratic, if it had been anyone else, he might've been worried. But he looked at the man sleeping in his arms and saw Matt actually appeared to be sleeping soundly for the first time since this whole thing started, and he was satisfied they were good for now.

Kelly supposed he should consider this a massive sign of improvement, not that he had ever been eager to sleep with his best friend in the same bed, their individual bunks in their separate offices at the station house was as close as he ever cared for, but after all of Casey's 'don't touch me!' outbursts anytime anybody even got too close to him, he honestly couldn't feel anything other than relieved that Casey could sleep being this close to him and not wake up screaming in a panic.

After the last time Casey woke up, _after_ his 'sleepwalking' episode, Kelly sat on the bed beside him and waited for Casey to tell him to go away. But he didn't. After a while Matt seemed to actually fall asleep, and Kelly found himself between the proverbial rock and hard place. He was worried if he got up to go back to his own room, that the sudden shift in weight on the mattress might be enough to wake Casey up, God knew he'd certainly jumped up screaming at less than that in the past few days, and then they'd be back to square one. So instead he slowly shifted his weight around on the mattress so he could at least lie down and get comfortable while he waited to see what happened next.

He himself must've fallen asleep for a short while, but he woke up when he heard an unfamiliar sound. Looking over to the other side of the bed he saw it was Casey, who was still asleep, but seemed to be in the throes of a nightmare, he held his hands up over his head like he was trying to protect himself, and whimpered as he tried turning on his side.

"Hey, buddy," Kelly whispered as he reached over and put a hand on Casey's arm, "it's alright, I'm here."

Casey didn't lunge at him trying to kill him, so Severide took that as a good sign. He decided to risk it and see what happened next, he lightly grabbed Casey and pulled the sleeping man over towards him and held him close.

"It's alright, Casey, it's just me, I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

He wished he could've made that same promise 2 weeks ago.

After a while, Casey's pained whimpers subsided and his breathing became steady, and then Severide was terrified to let go of him, should the sudden _absence_ of his presence wake the lieutenant up.

As he lay there, waiting to go back to sleep himself, Kelly's conversation with Antonio from the morning after started replaying itself in his mind.

 _"Think about it, Kelly, you two live together, 'roommates', neither of which has any substantial relationship with any woman, a defense lawyer will milk that to the jury for all it's worth, and all the tabloids will run with it, 'Steamy Gay Firehouse Romance', then all of 51 will be dragged through the mud as well."_

And if the defense attorney would ever find out about _this_...Kelly subconsciously tightened his hold on Casey, he would kick anybody's ass who tried to make anything out of what was going on, officer of the court just doing his job or not.

Then something else Antonio said came to mind.

 _"And you'll keep your cool on the stand as the defense insinuates you and Casey were sweating up the sheets every night and paints you as a hotheaded scorned lover who intimidated Casey into pressing charges against this guy?"_

Severide growled under his breath in frustration. Matt needed him to keep calm no matter what happened or how bad things got. If he did allow himself to get riled up, it would only hurt Casey in the long run. Right now the answer was simple, nobody _would_ find out about this, but for everything else that was already out there and could be brought up at trial, Kelly was just going to have to grit his teeth and keep his temper in check, no matter how much he might want to jump up and strangle the lawyer _and_ his client.

He looked down at the man sleeping right beside him and told him, not sure whether Casey could hear him or not but not really caring either way, "It's going to be alright, Casey, I'm going to take care of this."

He wished he could've promised the same thing to Katie.

* * *

Casey was somewhere between the state of asleep and awake, he was conscious of the soft sheets under his body, more comfortable than the couch cushions, that was for sure. He felt a sensation of light against his eyelids, not the sun though, must've left the lights on when he went to sleep. He really didn't care. He felt content, he wasn't even sure for what. He felt his heart beating steadily in his chest and was aware of the even rhythm it kept. Then he turned on his side, and he thought he must've pulled a muscle, because now it felt like his heart was trying to beat out of his chest. _Then_ Casey realized that that was somebody else's heart beating against his.

Casey opened his eyes immediately to see what was going on. When he did, he was frozen for several seconds, couldn't move, couldn't make a sound, could only look on in shock and horror as he saw Kelly Severide asleep right next to him. He had no direct memories of the last thing that had happened, and when he was finally able to react, it was with a panicked, "AHHH!"

Severide had been sleeping peacefully without a care in the world, all the same his subconscious had kept an ear open for any signs of trouble. When he heard Casey scream, he opened his eyes wide to see what was wrong. He saw Casey a couple inches away from him tangled in the sheets, wide eyed in a panic, trying to get away, but Severide didn't automatically see anything that could've been responsible for his current state, so figured it had to be another nightmare.

Casey finally got loose and put as much distance between he and Severide as he could without falling off the bed, he backed over to the edge and the only thing that was coherently coming out of his mouth was a frantic, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He couldn't remember what happened last night, but was worried what the possibilities were if the end result was waking up in bed with Severide.

Severide sat up and reached over to him, not getting what Matt was so upset about. "Casey, it's alright, calm down."

But Casey was still wild eyed and frantic, just kept repeating, "Sorry, I'm sorry."

"Casey, you didn't do anything wrong, take it easy," Kelly told him.

"W-wh...what did I do last night?" Matt asked.

Kelly looked at the clock and said, "I think you got six hours' sleep for the first time in two weeks. You okay, buddy?"

Matt wracked his brain trying to remember what had happened, how they got here, but he was coming up empty. "I can't remember what happened last night."

"Well you didn't miss much," Severide told him. "Casey, calm down, nothing happened."

"I don't remember waking up last night."

"That's because you didn't," Kelly said, "did you hear me, Matt? You slept all night."

Kelly scooted an inch or so towards Casey, he didn't notice.

"Matt."

"Huh?"

Kelly reached over and grabbed Casey and pulled him to him in a bone crushing hug. He couldn't speak for how much Casey needed this, but he knew _he_ needed it.

The last two weeks had been hell for him, not just because of what happened, what he'd been a witness to, Casey's outbursts, all of that would've been tolerable, if he hadn't had to force himself to stand down and withhold any and all physical contact from his friend who he could clearly see was hurting and needed somebody. He was a physical person, if he liked you it would inevitably take on a physical trait, a slap on the back, an embrace, and women especially knew the extent of his physical movements. If he disliked you, words could easily escalate to a punch thrown, and if he really hated you he wasn't above coming at you with a tire iron. The long and short of it was Severide was a very physical person, it went against his nature to stand by and keep his hands to himself, physical touch was the shortest distance between two points of letting somebody know you were there for them, and as emotionally trying as their job was, it was a lifeline to bring you back to reality, knowing somebody was there for you if and when you needed them.

He waited for Casey to struggle, to yell at him, to try and get loose, but it didn't happen. It wouldn't have mattered if he did, Kelly wasn't letting go of him until he was good and ready. For the past two weeks he'd done everything he could think of to help Casey, and still he knew it wasn't enough, he felt like he'd failed him. With this thought running through his head, he just about hit the ceiling when he felt Casey finally reciprocate the hug. He was starting to dread exactly what was going to happen when they showed up for their next shift. Boden said he would handle it, but Severide couldn't help wondering what that meant.


	5. Chapter 5

Boden was on the apparatus floor waiting for them when they headed in on their first shift back, and he had a grim expression on his otherwise unreadable face.

"Can I see you both in my office right away?" he asked, and turned and led the way.

Severide leaned over towards Casey and asked, "What'd we do now?"

Casey responded with a puzzled look and a shrug of his shoulders.

The two of them headed to his office, and didn't need him to tell them to shut the door behind them to know to do it.

"What's up, Chief?" Kelly asked.

Boden stood in front of his desk and addressed both of them, "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just say it." He turned to Severide and said, "Half an hour ago, somebody from CPD came in asking about you, said he'd tried calling you but got no answer, wanted to talk to you about the open investigation."

"You mean that prick Lafferty?" Casey asked.

"That's what I thought, so I started talking to him about the case," Boden said, "then he told me he wasn't here about that case..." he looked at Casey, "He was working _your_ case."

Casey's eyes widened and his face went pale. "What?"

"Oh my God," Severide choked out in a horrified whisper.

"He said that as of yet they can only actively investigate it as a home invasion, but for any additional charges, they need you to come down and give them a full statement of your attack," Boden told Casey. "I am so sorry, Matt, I had no idea what he was talking about. I wanted to run it by the two of you to make sure that he was legit...I guess I got my answer."

Casey covered his face with his hands and groaned, "No, no, no." He turned around and screamed, "Oh my God, this can't be happening!"

The next thing Kelly saw was Matt lunging for him, he stepped to the side just in time before Casey throttled him.

" 'Trust me' you said! 'Trust me!' I didn't want _anyone_ to know what happened, now _everybody_ does!" Casey screamed at the top of his lungs, "Why the hell did you have to come home that night? Why couldn't you have stayed at the bar, drunk yourself stupid and gone home with some bimbo just like every other night of the week!?" Casey made a move towards Kelly and screamed at him, a raw primal yell, then he turned towards the door and stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

"Casey!" Kelly moved to follow him.

Boden held up his hand, signaling for him to stand down. "He didn't mean it, Kelly."

"Oh...I know, Chief," Severide said, feeling defeated as he slumped down in his chair, "But it sure doesn't make it any easier."

* * *

Casey stopped in his tracks right outside Boden's door, trying to figure out what to do now. He started walking, and only got six steps past Connie's desk when she called to him, "Lieutenant Casey."

" _WHAT_!?" he screamed as he stopped again. His face was already a mask of horror as he turned around and faced her. Connie for the most part maintained her typical unreadable expression, except that her eyes were twice the size they normally were and her eyebrows had jumped halfway up her forehead.

"Oh my God, Connie, I am so sorry," he told her, "I know you didn't deserve that."

Connie resumed her normal face, and said to Casey, surprisingly in her normal tone, "Lieutenant Casey, can I speak with you for a minute?"

* * *

The rest of the guys from Truck had heard part of the fireworks and went to Boden's office to find out what happened, now they were all in there discussing what they were going to do next. The commotion was broken up by Connie entering the office, looking a little more chipper than normal for her on a workday, and said to Boden, "Chief, I'm going on break and stepping out, I'll be back in around an hour."

"Okay, Connie, have a good time," Wallace said, knowing better than to ask too many questions about what she was doing. All these years later his relationship with Connie still revolved around asking her as little as possible.

Severide leaned against Boden's desk and said, "I think I was wrong, Chief, I should've told him that I told you and he would've known right away."

"The recovery Casey has to go through isn't quick or instantaneous, Severide," Boden replied, "right now I don't think he can take more than a few steps in that direction at any one time. This was a bombshell for him, but it would've been worse if he'd found out when everything was so fresh."

Otis wandered over to the window and looked out.

"Hey, check this out, guys," he said.

Everybody stopped talking amongst themselves and went to see what it was Otis was looking at, and they saw Connie heading for the exit, with Casey right beside her.

"Connie got Casey?" Mouch asked with a worried look on his face, "oh this is not going to be good."

* * *

"I lock the door every time I'm home for the night, you'd have to be crazy not to living in Chicago," Casey explained to Connie as they walked over to a bench and sat down. "This time I forgot, it's just so much of a habit, you don't even think about it anymore, you don't think about if you did or not."

"Mm-hmm," she looked at him as he spoke.

"I was in the kitchen, and I heard something...I didn't hear anyone come in...right before it happened I heard somebody behind me. I thought Severide had come home early. I started to turn around to ask him what was up, and that's when the guy hit me. I was stunned, I can't really focus my eyes on him, but I see this guy who...I have never seen before, don't have any idea why he's there, and he grabs my head and knocks me to the floor...then he grabs my head again and slams it against the floor."

Connie winced but otherwise didn't respond.

"All I'm thinking at that time is...if he hits my head hard enough, in the right place, he's going to kill me. He will open up that fracture. But I know if I say anything about it, he _will_ kill me because then he'll know it's a sure shot. So I figure...if I just stop resisting, and just...let him do whatever it is he came there for...maybe he won't kill me. If I don't let on that my head is a weak spot, maybe he won't focus on it...most other stuff, I could survive...and just, not dying that night, that was the only thing really going through my mind at the time. Figure as long as I'm still alive, I can deal with whatever else happens."

Connie nodded sympathetically and let him continue.

"Everything was kind of blurry at that time, and...I hear this ripping sound...and he's got my wrists, and he tapes them together, so I really _can't_ do anything, I can't get up, I can't fight...then things start to get clearer..." Casey slowly inhaled and painfully exhaled, "and then I saw the knife...and I feel the blade against my throat...and he says...if I struggle, he'll kill me...and he...nicks the skin, just so I know he's serious. I can't move, I can't even think, I'm just waiting for it all to be over. He puts the knife down, but it's just out of my reach, I think if I could just get hold of it..."

Casey paused before continuing. "Then the lights come on. I don't know who's there, I'm just as much horrified as I am relieved...I thought, somebody can help...then I realize...oh my God they're going to see me like this...and then I find out it's Severide...which does nothing to help that latter thought...he cuts me loose and then he and the guy get into it, all the while he's trying to call 911, I get the phone and I disconnect the call. The guy leaves...all I want to do is crawl under a rock and die. I didn't want anybody to know what happened, it was already too late with Severide but I didn't want anyone else to find out. I didn't want the cops coming in and taking pictures of the place, and me...I didn't want to go to the hospital and have them do a kit on me, he made me go, and then they left me standing around waiting for so long, I just ran out of there, went home, stayed in the shower for two hours trying to wash away everything, the dirt, the blood...the memory of it all."

Connie smiled sadly at him and reached over and touched his head with her hand, signaling for him to lean down and rest his head on her shoulder. He did, and took an odd comfort in her stroking her hand over his head and clear down to his shoulder.

"I didn't want anybody at the House to find out, I would've done anything to avoid that...now they all know, my men on Truck, Severide's men on Squad, the Chief...now what do I do?" he asked hopelessly.

"Matt." When the two of them left the firehouse, Connie had made it clear that while he was in her company, his rank didn't exist, they were just two people having a conversation. "You have to give them more credit than that. They're your family, all they want to do is help you. Now I won't lie, they're going to do a _lot_ of things wrong."

Maybe it was just the way she said it, but somehow it managed to drag a low chuckle out of Casey. She smiled and continued, "But that's just because they're human...and men...the biggest bumblers who ever existed. But their hearts are in the right place, you know that. So now everybody knows, is it as horrible as you thought it would be?"

He thought about it, "Not yet."

"You know there's not a person alive in that House who's going to think any differently of you because of what happened," Connie told him.

Matt sighed and responded, "They might not say it, but they'll think it."

"They'll have to come to terms with what happened, just like you...they'll be confused about the whole thing, just like you are, they're going to go to a lot of trouble to try and not say or do anything to upset you, which will fail miserably...but every last one of them has got your back, Matt, and you know that. Just like I know it. You don't work at a firehouse as long as I have and _not_ know how to read the people working there."

"But what do I tell them?" Matt asked.

"You don't have to tell them anything," Connie said. "You don't owe anybody any explanations about what happened."

Matt raised his head and looked at her, with a small, uncertain smile. "Thanks, Connie."

She patted his shoulder and told him, "Any time."

* * *

Everybody was waiting anxiously when Connie and Matt returned to the firehouse. Everybody was standing around on the apparatus floor and looked at Casey as he walked in. He glanced at Connie, who merely nodded, and he moved away from her and took a step forward, and another, and finally was in the middle of the room. He looked around at his friends, the people he'd worked with and alongside for several years, not sure what he was going to find. Nobody said a word, he looked around at everyone slowly, studying their faces: Boden, Otis, Cruz, Herrmann, Mouch...whatever it was he thought he'd see, disgust, judgment, pity, it wasn't there. All he saw was their undivided concern and support for him.

"I...I..." he tried to think of anything to say, to explain, but nothing was coming to him. "I..."

Boden took two giant steps towards Casey and pulled him into a fierce hug. A second later, Severide joined him. Casey felt two more people close the gap and he turned his head and saw Otis and Cruz there too. He felt Severide's body shove against his and saw it was because Herrmann and Mouch were standing behind him, joining in the group hug and effectively forcing everybody closer together. Capp stood heads over the others and wrapped the crook of his arm around Casey's neck and he felt Tony force his way through the group and clap him on the back. It was a very emotional moment for the lieutenant and he felt overwhelmed.

Slowly, he felt the pressure of everybody surrounding him ease up as one by one everybody finally pulled away.

"Lieutenant, can I see you in my office?" Boden asked.

* * *

"The only thing worse than what happened to me, was the thought of everyone else finding out it happened," Casey explained to Boden.

"I can understand your reluctance to come forth, Casey," Wallace told him, "but you should've known that everybody here would have your back."

"Chief, it's...humiliating, dehumanizing, and it's going to be worse if the cops catch this guy, if it goes to trial, all the details come out."

"If it goes to trial, we will all be right there with you," Boden responded, "And you will have the full support of every last firefighter here."

Casey shook his head. "I just wish nobody had found out, I wish Severide hadn't come home that night."

"Casey, you could've been killed, Severide easily saved your life."

"Yeah, my dignity is another story."

"Casey, there is nothing wrong with needing help, there's nothing wrong with getting help. Life is too hard to get through alone when things are going good, but when they're bad, then you especially need your friends to rally," Boden said.

Casey nodded. "Understood."

"But Casey, you _need_ to start getting more sleep if I'm going to keep you on as acting lieutenant," Wallace told him. "I could tell for days that something was wrong, you came in here zombie walking through shift, it happens, it happens to all of us at some point in this work with the hours we keep, but if it doesn't start getting better, you're going to be endangering your life and that of everyone else the next time you go out on call."

"Chief...I can't sleep," Casey said. "Every time I do, I see him, I see me..." Casey started retching as he tried to continue.

Boden picked up his wastebasket and handed it to Matt, who leaned over it and breathed heavily for a few seconds, but it passed.

"You need to talk to somebody, Casey," Boden said, "pretending it didn't happen isn't going to help."

"I don't want to talk to a shrink."

"I know that used to be frowned upon in the fire department, but sometimes we just need it," Wallace replied.

Casey turned his head to look out the window and he told the chief, "I know everybody here's got my back, but tell you the truth, first I was worried what I was going to say to them, what are _they_ going to say?"

Boden leaned back in his chair and told the lieutenant, "They might just surprise you."

* * *

"Well I haven't heard any yelling, so I guess that means the conversation's going well," Kelly said.

"That was...a lot less painful than I thought it'd be," Cruz added.

"Yeah, but what happens now?" Otis asked.

"Connie, how exactly did you do that?" Mouch asked the woman seated right outside Boden's office.

She looked up from her work and shot Mouch one of her death stares specifically reserved for him. Mouch held up his hands in defeat and walked off. Severide walked over to her and asked in a quieter tone so there wouldn't be any chance of Casey overhearing, "How _did_ you do that, Connie? I've spent two weeks trying to get him to open up about this, you did it in one hour?"

She smiled at him and said simply, "Sorry, Lieutenant, sometimes it just takes a woman's touch."

Severide looked at her in awe for a second, then dropped to his knees in front of her and kowtowed, drawing a particularly loud laugh from the woman.

* * *

Kelly knocked on the door to Casey's office and showed himself in.

"I know you're not really doing paperwork, come on out to the common room."

"No thanks," he replied.

"Come on, Casey, I thought we were good."

Matt pointed his pen at Kelly accusingly and told him, " _You_ and I are still on thin ice, pal."

"I can live with that."

"I don't feel like seeing the others right now," Casey admitted.

"Come on, Matt, it's not like you're a spectacle now," Kelly said, "all we're going to be doing is watching TV."

He didn't wait for any further argument, he grabbed Casey's wrist and pulled him out of his chair. "Come on, it'll be fine."

Matt sighed but followed Severide. Mouch and Herrmann were on the couch watching TV, Otis and Cruz were seated at a table playing chess. Casey tried to turn around and go back but Severide pushed him over to the couch and all but shoved him on the end cushion. Then he sat down on the armrest so he towered over Casey.

Matt looked around the room skeptically, everybody seemed to be minding their own business and nobody was looking at him. Almost like they were purposely trying not to notice him.

"Anybody got anything to say, just come out and say it," he said. Might as well get this over with.

Everybody looked around at one another, nobody said a word and everybody went back to what they were doing.

But Casey wasn't buying it. "Come on, I know you're all thinking something."

Mouch raised a hand, "I swear, I haven't had a thought all day."

"Same goes double for Capp," Herrmann said, "has that guy ever had a thought in his whole life?"

Matt tried again. "I know you're all trying to help, and I appreciate it, but I know you've already formed opinions about what's going on, so let's just hear them."

"Well uh," Brian spoke up, "since you mention it...are Voight's people handling your case?"

"No, the regular cops are," Casey answered.

"Although it's my understanding Voight has his own fingers dipped in it," Severide added.

Casey looked at him, "I didn't know that."

"Oh yeah, since they couldn't match the DNA, his people are going out provoking every low life on the street so they try to attack the cops, then they just _happen_ to collect some blood or spit off these guys, take it back and test it," Kelly explained.

Casey sat back on the couch and took that in.

"Hey, if _anybody_ can catch this guy, it'll be Voight," Otis said.

Casey wasn't sure he felt better about getting the ball rolling, but decided it was too late to back out now. "Anybody else got any questions?"

"Well, not exactly questions," Cruz said, "but Herrmann's got a very interesting take on what would be an appropriate punishment for this guy."

Herrmann turned to Casey and explained, "I said prison's too good for this prick, if we find this son of a bitch before the cops do, we ought to string him up, tell my kids he's a pinata with candy inside, and give them all a bat to beat him with."

Casey stared at Herrmann with a blank look in his eyes and his mouth dropped open in complete awe. Then a couple seconds later, he burst out laughing and fell back against Severide. Kelly reached down and wrapped his arm around Casey's collarbone and said to the Truck lieutenant, "See? I told you we got your back."


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey get this," Kelly said as he entered the house carrying a box, "since we're not getting much sleep at night anyway, Otis lent us his entire Hammer horror movie collection to watch."

" _That'll_ do it," Casey replied from where he sat on the couch, and dropped his head to the side and started snoring.

Severide grinned in response as he headed over to Casey.

"So," he said more seriously as he put the box on the coffee table, "you still mad at me?"

Casey raised his arm and made a 'so/so' gesture.

"I'm sorry man, but I had to do something," Kelly said as he sat down beside him.

"I know," Casey replied, "doesn't mean I have to like it."

"Well, when it's all said and done, was this shift painless like I said?" Severide asked.

"Not quite, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be," Casey told him.

"It'll get better from here," Kelly said.

"I might just hold you to that," Matt said.

There was a pause between them before Severide asked, "What about the next part?"

"What part?"

"Your statement to the cops."

Casey looked at him.

"I know, you don't want to," Kelly said. That had been Casey's answer to everything, and it hadn't really dawned on him yet that most of the things he'd been adamant about not wanting to, he'd eventually given into and done anyway. He just hoped this was going to be another one of them, now that the cat was out of the bag and Casey knew that everybody at 51 knew, he couldn't very well _not_ go to the police and tell them what happened, he'd have to know everybody would be wondering when he came back on next shift.

"No I don't...but I will," Casey sighed.

Kelly reached over and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "I'll go with you."

"They won't let you in the room," Casey told him.

"So what? I'll still go with you," Kelly said.

Casey looked to the side and laughed somberly, then he looked back at Kelly and said, "You know, Severide, sooner or later we've go to start meeting new people."

* * *

Severide shifted in his chair and watched the clock and waited for Casey to come out of the interview room with the detectives. They'd been there almost an hour and he couldn't help wondering what was going on.

Finally he heard the door open and saw Casey step out and walk over towards him.

"Well? How'd it go?" he asked.

Casey didn't even make eye contact with Severide as he answered, "Next time I get the bright idea to do this, just take me out back and shoot me."

"What happened?" Kelly asked as he got up.

"I don't want to talk about it," Casey said as he headed for the door.

Kelly was right behind him. "What'd they do?"

"You're not beating up a _cop_ , Severide, let's just go," Casey said.

They left the precinct and got in Kelly's car.

"So what happened?" he tried again as he drove them out of there.

"Let's just say I got the impression the guy working today didn't take me very seriously," Casey told him as he started to calm down. "Kept asking me if I was _sure_ I didn't know the guy, was I _sure_ I didn't let him in. Started asking why I left the hospital before the rape kit could be done, why I didn't report it right away, why I didn't fight back, why the door was unlocked."

"Bastards," Kelly said.

"Yeah...but at least that's over," Casey said with a defeated sigh..."for now. I still hope to God they don't find this guy. I don't need the whole House in the courtroom when they go into all the gory details."

"I know you don't really mean that, Casey," Severide said.

"Want a bet?"

"You know as well as I do that people like this don't just attack one person, hell, you probably weren't the first one he's done this to, and if they don't catch him, he'll do it again to someone else."

"You can't guilt me into _wanting_ him caught, Severide."

"I'm not trying to," Kelly replied. "But you know it's true."

Matt didn't say anything after that, Kelly looked over and saw his head was slumped down and he seemed to be muttering something to himself. Kelly made a sharp swerve and took them off the main road and pulled the car over into a clearing.

"What happened?" Casey asked as he looked up.

Severide turned in his seat to look Casey straight in the eyes.

"Casey, I'm sorry."

Matt looked at him with a confused expression. "Sorry about what?"

"I'm sorry I didn't kill that bastard when I had the chance," Kelly leaned back in his seat and said, "then none of this would be happening."

Casey looked straight into his eyes, Severide felt like they were piercing right through something. Matt leaned forward and pulled Severide against him in a strong hug.

"I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry," Kelly said as he felt the tears running down from his eyes.

Matt kept his arm pressed against Severide's back, and told him, "You saved my life...and I never even told you 'thank you'."

He felt Severide's body jerk against him as a series of choking sobs rose up from his chest. Casey pulled him closer and told him, "It's alright, it's alright."

* * *

"You hungry?" Kelly asked as they entered the house.

"Not really, but I could eat," Casey answered.

"You wanna order in?"

"Nah, just take something out of the freezer," Casey said as he turned and locked the door.

"You nuts? Who knows what's hiding in there just waiting to escape?" Kelly said as he went over to the fridge.

"I don't need you criticizing my housekeeping skills, Severide."

"I'm not. I'm criticizing that science experiment you call leftover pizza."

Casey sorted through the day's mail as he waited for another smart remark from Kelly. When he didn't hear any he called into the kitchen, "Well?"

"Looks like it already broke out," Kelly said as he came into the dining room carrying two flat boxes, "only thing in there besides the icemaker is a couple frozen dinners."

Casey grunted. "I'll get it restocked tomorrow."

"I'll toss these in," Kelly said as he turned and headed back to the kitchen.

"Oh by the way, did you hear back about that Lafferty thing?" Casey asked.

Kelly froze for a second, but quickly recovered.

"Yeah," he answered, keeping his back to Casey, "it turns out this guy is the brother of a woman that I had a thing with a while back, and we parted on less than pleasant terms, and I guess she decided to sic her big brother on me, and like everybody else who comes after anybody at 51, he decided the best way to do that would be with public accusations. Apparently my reputation precedes me."

"How so?" Casey asked.

"The night I was supposed to have kicked his ass in a bar fight, he found out one of the bars I frequent the most when I'm not at Molly's, stuck around, got drunk, got into a fight with somebody, nobody could swear one way or the other that it was me, but it was a natural assumption. The only thing he wasn't counting on was that I'd stayed home every night that week and had an airtight alibi."

"Definitely something nobody would be expecting," Matt remarked, "Kelly Severide stops hitting the bars every night and his normal routine comes to a crashing halt, something must be wrong."

Kelly laughed, "Yeah, I suppose so..."

Then Kelly felt his eyes widen as something occurred to him.

* * *

Kelly entered the 21st District and went straight to the front desk.

"What can I do for you?" Trudy Platt asked unenthusiastically, not even looking up from her work.

"My name's Kelly Severide..."

"I know who you are, Kelly," Trudy looked up at him with an equally unenthusiastic expression on her face, "now what do you want?"

"I need to talk to Voight."

"Sorry, he's not in," Trudy replied in a manner that Kelly couldn't be sure if she was jerking him around or not.

"Then let me speak to Antonio."

"And what is this in regards to?" she asked.

"Matt Casey."

Trudy's cynical demeanor suddenly vanished, she stared at Severide for a few seconds, then told him, "One minute."

* * *

"Casey said something the day you showed up, and I didn't think anything about it at the time, but I think it could be crucial," Kelly told Antonio as they headed upstairs to the Intelligence bullpen.

Antonio pointed, "That's my desk, have a seat."

"Casey said when he came home that night, he forgot to lock the door, that's how the guy got in," Severide said as he sat down. "Now, 99 times out of 100 you lock the door, what're the odds the first time you forget that somebody's just going to happen to walk in and try to kill you?"

" _Usually_ not very good," Antonio replied.

"Right, but here's the thing, Casey doesn't have an exact schedule when he gets off shift, he's not coming home at the same time every night, so how would this guy know that he'd be there at _that_ exact time?" Kelly asked.

"There are a couple ways it could be possible," Dawson told him.

"Like if this bastard was waiting outside for Casey to come home," Kelly said.

"Or if he was following Casey," Antonio added. "Does he have any enemies?"

"Everybody at Firehouse 51 has enemies, even when we don't do anything we do, I said years ago, that House is cursed, horrible stuff happens to everybody who works there...maybe this is just more of the same."

"Don't get ahead of yourself," Dawson said, "does Casey have any enemies personally?"

"Not since he gave up the whole alderman thing, not really," Severide answered.

"Well there's another possibility, Severide," Antonio said, "that maybe Casey was targeted because he fits a type."

"Type?"

"Serial attackers often target victims who share some physical trait, body type, the color of his hair, anything like that. Sometimes the types aren't even physical, it's something like a name, age, job, neighborhood, anything like that."

"That really happens?" Kelly asked.

"More often than you think," Antonio told him.

"But if this guy's done it before, why wasn't there a hit on the DNA?" Kelly wanted to know.

"Two theories come to mind," Antonio said, "one, all other victims were presumably male also, and like Casey, didn't want anybody to know, so whatever DNA evidence there might've been was washed away in the shower and they never told anybody what happened. If crimes aren't reported, we can't establish a pattern."

"And the other theory?" Severide asked.

"It's possible this guy's used a condom every time before this and is starting to make mistakes, that he got too confident he'd never be caught because his DNA was never put in the system," Dawson explained.

Kelly sucked in a hard breath and slammed his forehead against the desk hopelessly.

"This is actually good, Kelly," Antonio told him, "it gives us a better idea of what kind of person we're looking for."

"Yeah," Severide picked his head up, "but what do I tell Casey?"

"How's he doing?" Antonio asked.

Kelly looked up as he tried to figure how to answer. Instead, he asked Antonio, "He's never going to be okay, is he?"

"It _does_ take a while," Antonio answered, "there's no magic fix to what he's going through, but when we catch this bastard, that should help a lot."

"Yeah, maybe..."


	7. Chapter 7

"So how's it going, Severide?" Otis asked during the next shift.

"I don't know, every time I think he's getting better, it's another step back," Kelly answered.

"Well if you want, we could rotate staying up with him and that way at least you could get some sleep," Otis said.

The others all voiced their agreements, but Severide waved them off.

"I appreciate it guys, but I don't think so. Casey's still adjusting to everybody knowing what happened, right now I don't think he trusts anyone else staying with him. It's nothing personal, it's just the way it is right now."

"Okay, well what if we came by and took him out for the night? That way you could stay home and sleep and we could keep an eye on him," Cruz said.

"Casey hasn't gone out at night since the attack, I don't think he'd go for it," Severide said.

"Severide, I know that trust is a touchy subject right now, but have you considered spiking his dinner with some sleeping pills?" Herrmann asked. "He wouldn't find out, and you'd both be able to get some rest."

Kelly rolled his eyes. "I can't do that, Herrmann."

"Uh..." Otis raised a finger, "I did notice though when he crashes in the bunk room he usually stays asleep until the bells go off or if it's time to clock out...get him in that bunk and he sleeps like the dead."

Everybody looked around at one another and tried to figure out what that meant.

"Because it doesn't remind him of the attack? Because the bunk room is nothing like the house?" Severide asked.

"Or subconsciously because he feels safe here," Mouch offered, "because he knows nobody or nothing could get to him in here with all of us backing him up."

Severide let that thought sink in.

* * *

"Severide, you're being ridiculous."

"Come on, Casey," Kelly said as he pulled Casey along over to the bunk room. "We got no calls coming in right now, drills are done, I'm exhausted, you were up all night, let's crash for a few minutes before anything else happens. If we don't _both_ start getting some sleep, Boden's gonna bounce both of us out of here."

"You're aware we have our own bunks in our offices, right?" Casey asked. "That's one of the perks of being a lieutenant."

"Yeah, but I don't trust you," Kelly told him. "I want you where if I wake up I can keep an eye on you and make sure you're actually sleeping."

Casey grumbled and responded, "Alright."

They went over to a couple of unoccupied bunks, Casey sat on one and looked over and saw Severide staring at him.

"The things I do for you," he grumbled as he laid down and turned on his side.

Casey closed his eyes and breathed a couple times before he felt something jerking him. He opened his eyes and saw it was Severide yanking the blanket out from under him, which he then draped over Casey and tucked the corners in under him.

"Very funny," Casey sniped.

"At least I'll _know_ if you try bailing," Severide told him. "Now go to sleep."

Casey grumbled something else under his breath.

"I heard that," Kelly replied.

Severide watched as Casey turned on his other side, facing away from him. He laid down on his own bunk and waited, after a few minutes Matt turned over again, and Severide saw he was actually asleep. Anybody could fake being asleep but it could only be so convincing, Severide had actually _watched_ Casey the few times he slept in the past week, there was no way Matt could be faking it. Relieved that they might actually be making some progress, Severide said a silent prayer that nobody called in any emergencies for the next couple hours or so, rested his head against his pillow, and promptly went to sleep himself.

* * *

"Hey, Severide, wake up."

Kelly's eyes fluttered open and he shot up in his bunk, "Huh? What? What?"

"Take it easy," Otis said, and pointed over to Casey's bunk.

Severide looked over and saw that Casey was in the exact same position he'd been before Kelly went to sleep, and was snoring lightly.

"What time is it?" Kelly asked.

"You two have been out for four hours," Otis told him, "thank God for small favors and no calls, right?"

Kelly shook his head to wake up and replied with a yawn, "Amen."

"Sorry to wake you up, but Boden wants to see you," Brian said.

"Okay."

* * *

"Has Casey talked to anybody yet? Gotten any kind of professional help?" Boden asked.

Kelly shook his head. "Honestly, Chief, I about had to drag him to the police station to give his statement, I don't think he's ready to see a therapist."

"The longer he puts it off, the harder it's going to be," Boden said.

"I'm not disagreeing, but all due respect, Chief, this isn't one of your usual orders you can give. You might be able to force him to go, but you can't force him to tell them anything until he's ready."

"I know," Wallace sounded defeated.

"Look, Chief, granted Squad hasn't been dispatched to all the same calls as Truck lately, but from what I've seen, Casey can still do his job as well as he did before," Kelly said.

"I am not questioning his ability to do his job," Boden told him. "I'm concerned about how he's recovering from this."

"Well I'll tell you, Chief," Kelly said, "if we could find a way to sneak him in during First Watch and let him crash in the bunk room, I think he'd do a lot better."

Boden briefly smiled in amusement at that suggestion.

"How's he doing at home?" he asked.

"Best as he can...some days he won't talk, he's not sleeping well obviously...other than that, I think he's doing better, it's just more gradual than any of us are comfortable with."

"None of us more than Casey," Boden replied.

* * *

Kelly heard a scream and woke up. He was very relieved to see that this time it wasn't Casey, it was the movie on TV. Another one of Otis's obscure horror movies nobody knew or cared about, but it had been pretty interesting, until he fell asleep watching it. Reaching for the remote, he shut off the movie and the TV entirely, he checked his watch and saw it was going on 2 in the morning, and he had a stiff neck from sleeping sitting up on the couch. Trying to work the kink out, he turned his head to the side and saw Casey was also asleep sitting up, and had stayed asleep through Susan Strasberg's screaming at finding her father's corpse on the floor of her car. Right now her problems looked far more appealing by comparison.

Once again Kelly found himself in an awkward position, if he got up, Casey might wake up, and if he did, neither of them would get any sleep. So, he resigned himself to a sore back the rest of the night and leaned back against the couch. He reached behind his head and grabbed the blanket, then remembered what happened last time, he unfolded it to its full length and carefully draped half of it over Casey, who never so much as moved, and then did his best to curl up under the other half, and went back to sleep.

* * *

Severide all but ran towards Boden's office and forewent knocking entirely, he just grabbed the doorknob and flung it open.

Boden looked up at the Squad lieutenant in minor confusion. "You forget how to knock?"

Kelly was out of breath as he told him, "Sorry, Chief, Casey and I need to head out for a while."

"For what?" Boden asked.

"Chief...they got him!" Severide explained.

Boden looked at him for a second, then got to his feet, marched over to his door and called out to his assistant, "Connie, go get Casey and bring him here immediately."

"On it, Chief," Connie rose from her seat and headed down the hall.

* * *

"Are you ready, Lieutenant Casey?" Peter Stone asked as he, Casey and some guy from the public defender's office stood in the room to watch the police lineup.

Casey slowly inhaled and nodded.

Stone spoke into the intercom, "Bring them in."

Casey watched through the two way mirror as a police officer came in, and six men all of similar size and build came in carrying numbers.

"Turn to the front," they heard the officer say.

Casey watched the men one at a time. They were all around the same height, same weight, same ashy skin color, same buzzed haircut, different clothes, but not by much.

His eyes widened.

"Lieutenant Casey, do you recognize anyone?" Peter asked.

Casey nodded slowly, and pointed. "Number five."

"And where do you recognize him from?"

Casey looked at the man, looked into his eyes, looked into them for the first time really, everything had been such a blur during his attack. They looked dead. Casey felt very uncomfortable, as though that man could somehow see him through the glass.

It took every ounce of force he had in him to stare back at the man and answer matter-of-factly, not wanting to botch the ID by omitting the hardest thing to admit, "That's the man who raped me."

"Thank you, that'll be all," Peter told him.

Casey headed to the door and walked out, walked right past Severide, who was called in next.

Kelly looked in the mirror and saw six men who all looked very similar, he studied their faces. One through four all just looked disinterested, but the fifth one just looked pure evil, and Kelly knew that he'd seen that face before.

"Lieutenant Severide," Stone said, "do you recognize any-"

Kelly tapped the glass, "Number five, that's the bastard."

"-one," Peter finished his sentence. "Are you sure?"

"Positive," Severide answered, "that's the son of a bitch who attacked Casey and raped him."

"Of all the-" the public defender started to say.

"Thank you, Lieutenant, that'll be all, you can go now," Stone said.

Severide left the room and bumped into Antonio on the way out.

"So who is this guy?" he asked.

"His name's Harris Cardoza."

" _I_ could pass for a Cardoza before him."

"What's in a name?" Antonio replied. "38 years old, unmarried, born in New Jersey, bounced all over the country in the last 20 years, which could explain why his DNA wasn't in the system. It's very possible every time this guy moved on to another district, he left a hoard of victims behind who were too embarrassed to report it. It's a common practice of psychopaths like that, they attack as many people in one state as they feel comfortable with, then get the hell out of Dodge before the heat's on, and then they start over again."

"I thought people like this had a comfort zone they stuck to," Kelly said.

"They do, until they get more confident, then they move on to wider horizons," Antonio explained.

"That bastard. So we don't have any way of knowing how many other victims this guy has?"

"None whatsoever, but we know it's impossible this was his first time. Nobody just wakes up one day and decides to be a rapist."

"So what does this mean?" Kelly asked.

Antonio shrugged, "It would be better if we could find other victims and build a stronger case, but as it is the one Casey has is pretty rock solid, we've got the DNA, we've got Casey's blood in the treads of his boots, and we collected glass shards out of his scalp that match the beer bottles you hit him with."

"So that's it?" Kelly asked, "It's over?"

"Wish it were that simple, first he's going to be booked, then arraigned, then there'll be a bail hearing, then the preliminary hearing, and then it'll go to trial."

"But the worst _should_ be over, right?" Kelly asked.

"I hope so," Antonio answered.

Severide nodded, "Okay, thanks," and he headed for the exit.

Casey was already sitting in the passenger side of Severide's car, Kelly leaned against the window to talk to Matt but stopped when he looked in and saw that Casey had both arms over his head like he was protecting it from a blow. Then Kelly realized that Casey's arms, and one knee, were all shaking violently.

"Hey, Casey," he reached in and grabbed Matt's arm and forced the other man to look at him, "It's alright, they got the bastard, the worst of it's over."

* * *

Herrmann slammed the irons on the apparatus floor and turned to Severide.

"What do you mean that scum sucking piece of manure got out on _bail_? How the hell does that happen?"

"His lawyer argued it was a first time offense, and since they can't find any victims to say otherwise, I guess the judge bought it," Kelly answered.

"Well that judge is a grade-A certifiable _moron_!" Herrmann shouted, his eyes lit up with fire, "Some rat bastard attacks one of our own, a hero of the city, tries to kill him and he's free to walk? I'm gonna murder somebody!"

"Herrmann, keep your voice down!" Joe told him, "Casey's gonna hear you."

Christopher turned on his heel and replied just as loudly, "You think him hearing what I got to say on the matter is gonna be anywhere near as upsetting as this bombshell of crap that just got thrown in his lap?"

"Where is Casey anyway?" Otis asked.

"Last I saw him he was in his office," Severide pointed, "trying not to fall apart."

"And?"

"Not doing so well at it."

"Ah geez," Herrmann muttered, coming down a few notches.

"Stone said the guy's lawyer won't even entertain a plea deal, which with all the evidence that has him dead to rights, means they're likely going to go with a he said/he said defense," Severide told them. "Gonna try and pin it all back on Casey."

"So what do we do now?" Mouch asked.

Severide shook his head helplessly and said, "I don't know, I'm starting to run out of ideas."

Herrmann jabbed a finger at them and said, "If I knew where this guy sleeps at night, just _once_ , I would break my ethics and set that bastard on fire right in his bed. It would be worth it."

Cruz thought back several years, to Leon, to Flacco, to the fire where he'd died, turning around, walking away and closing that door behind him, his conversation with Casey after the fact and their little understanding. And though he couldn't bring himself to actually say it, he agreed with Herrmann.

* * *

That night Severide lay in his bed staring at the ceiling trying to figure out what they were going to do now. Casey had been withdrawn on shift, and only got worse when they got off of shift. He had barely spoken a word since they got home, hardly eaten anything all day, and gone up to bed without a word. Kelly could just imagine everything going through his mind right now, and all of it was bleak.

Antonio had warned him from the getgo that this would happen, and Kelly wasn't worried about how the defense would tie him into it, but he was seriously starting to question if Casey could withstand the damages that would ensue.

A loud crash from down the hall jerked Severide out of his thoughts and he jumped out of bed.

"Casey?"

Another crash. Kelly ran down the hall to see what was happening, before he reached the door though, he heard the sound of glass shattering. He threw open the door and saw Casey standing in front of the mirror on the wall and beating the glass into pieces with his fists, screaming like a wild animal as he knocked more of the fractured glass out of its frame.

"Casey!" Kelly ran over to Matt and tackled him to the floor. Casey screamed and tried to struggle with him but gave up after a few minutes, instead he raised his bloody hands to his face and let out a pained gut wrenching wail that broke Severide's heart and he felt his own eyes welling up with tears as he watched this happening to his best friend.

"Casey," Severide choked on a sob as he got up on his knees and leaned over Casey and wrapped one arm around his chest and the other up over his shoulder and rested his chin on the top of Matt's head as they both broke down sobbing. Kelly let go of Casey's shoulder and instead reached across and put his hand on Casey's cheek and turned his face towards him.

"Shh, shh," Kelly tried to comfort his friend but he choked on his own tears too much to be coherent. He pressed his forehead against Casey's and held him close as they both slowly wore themselves out crying.

* * *

Kelly's eyes burned from crying, and especially in the bright kitchen light as he set to work pulling dozens of shards of glass out of Casey's hand with a set of tweezers. Once the two of them had finally calmed down, and were able to speak, and get off the floor, Severide examined the damage to Casey's hands, one was more bruised than anything, the other was a bloody mess with glass stuck in it, he knew it looked worse than it was, still it needed to be tended to right away, so there they were, and here he was bent over Matt's hand like a nearsighted old man, watching for any trace reflections of the light in the remaining shards embedded in his skin. To try and dull some of the pain, he'd ransacked the liquor cabinet and poured Casey a double of the strongest booze he had on hand. Whether it was taking effect or not, Casey didn't say anything while Severide worked, he hardly even flinched.

"I'm sorry, Casey," he said as he took out another shard, "You were right, if I hadn't called the cops, none of this would've happened."

"It's not your fault," Matt responded, his voice still a little shaky and his throat hoarse from all the screaming and sobbing he'd done that night, "you were just trying to help."

"So now what?"

"It's too late to drop the charges, I'll have to see it through no matter what."

Kelly was satisfied he got all the glass out, then he picked up a bottle of rubbing alcohol and warned Casey, "This is gonna burn like hell."

"That's fine."

Severide picked up a rag and held it under Casey's hand to catch any alcohol that spilled over, and slowly poured it over the cuts. Casey hissed and forced his eyes shut for a couple seconds. Kelly put the bottle down, picked up a second rag and pressed it over the cuts to sop up anything that wasn't actively cleaning out a wound. Then he put them down and picked up a gauze roll and carefully bandaged Casey's hand.

"That should do it," he said as he tied off the bandage. "Now since there's still busted glass all over your room, you have two choices, either you're bunking with me or sleeping on the couch, which is it?" Though he had a good idea what Matt's answer would be.

Casey looked at him with a blank stare and then finally said, "Next time I get a couch, I'm buying one with a hide-a-bed in it, make it a lot easier to sleep on."

"Yeah, I'd like that too," Kelly said as they headed into the living room.

Casey laid down on the couch, Severide leaned back in the chair beside the couch, and he watched Casey. After half an hour or so, the booze started to take effect and Casey fell asleep. Kelly waited a bit to make sure Matt actually was asleep, and he quietly moved out of the chair, sunk down to the floor, crawled over to the couch, stared down at Casey while he slept, and took Matt's bandaged hand in his and used his free hand to stroke the top of Casey's head. Through it all, Casey never woke up, never even stirred, after a while his steady breathing gave way to light snoring, and Severide decided it was finally time to leave Casey be and let him rest. Slowly, quietly, he moved away from the Truck lieutenant, then got to his feet and went into the kitchen. He found his cell phone on the table and punched in a number and waited anxiously while it rang.

By the time the person on the other end answered, all Severide could manage to get out was a defeated, "I need help."


	8. Chapter 8

Casey went up the stairs the next morning and found Severide in his room, crouched down, emptying a dust pan into a trash bag, the rattle of broken glass impossible to miss. Kelly looked up and saw him, and didn't say anything at first, then finally broke the silence with, "Hey, don't come in here barefoot for a few days, there could still be some shards I missed."

"I'm sorry," Matt said somberly.

Kelly looked at him, "Sorry for what?"

"You keep having to clean up my messes."

Kelly managed a small smile as he stood up. "Hey, don't worry about it. You took me in when I was on my ass, about time I did something to repay the favor."

Casey shook his head. "It's not right."

Kelly looked back at him and said solemnly, "I like to think if it was me, you'd do the same."

Casey made a small sound that resembled a laugh and said, "Probably so, God knows the thought of leaving you to your own devices worries me, I've seen how you work on your own."

Kelly snorted.

"So now what?" Casey asked.

"I don't know, Stone said the hearing wouldn't be for two weeks," Severide said.

"Beautiful," Matt rolled his eyes towards the ceiling.

"It's gonna be alright," Kelly told him. He hoped so anyway.

* * *

As the morning brief ended and everybody got up from their desks to start shift, Boden walked over to Casey's desk and took notice of his hand wrapped up in a bandage.

"What happened to your hand, Casey?"

Matt looked at his hand as if just seeing the bandage for the first time and answered, "Oh, burnt it."

"And the other hand?" Boden noticed the red knuckles.

"Had an accident."

"Well I hope there aren't anymore 'accidents'," Boden told the lieutenant.

Boden left the briefing room, turned the corner and asked Kelly, "How's he holding up?"

"Uh, honestly, better than I thought," Severide answered.

"And?"

Severide knew that Boden was referring to the issue of Casey getting professional help.

"Not yet, he starts soon, I'll make sure of it, Chief," Kelly said.

Boden nodded, "That's good."

* * *

Severide knocked on the doorframe to Casey's room and saw the lieutenant looking at his hand as he peeled the bandage off.

"Hey, how is it?" he asked.

Casey turned his hand over and showed him the bright pink skin that had grown in, "Good as new. Thanks."

"Don't mention it. Hey, let's get out of here," Kelly said.

"What?"

"Casey, you haven't left this house at night in three weeks, you need to get out and relax."

Matt shook his head. "No thanks."

"Come on, Matt, I got just the thing in mind."

"I am _not_ going with you to a cheap strip club," Casey told him.

"Not that," Kelly said, "come on, trust me."

"I've heard that before."

"Well this time I know what I'm doing," Kelly said. "Come on, Matt, I promise you'll love it."

* * *

"I am _not_ talking to a shrink!" Casey told Severide in the car ride over to wherever Kelly was taking them.

"You don't have to talk to her," Kelly said. "She's not even like a psychiatrist, Matt, you'll love her."

"How do you know this woman anyway?" Casey asked, "You never introduced her to any of us."

"I know."

Casey turned to him, "How come?"

"I don't know," Kelly replied cynically, "I guess if I don't keep some secrets I might become predictable and you'd stop loving me."

Casey reached over and elbowed Severide.

"Hey not while I'm driving!"

"I can't believe I agreed to go along with this," Casey groaned to himself.

"Just give it a shot, Matt, what've you got to lose?"

"That list grows shorter every day."

Casey looked out the window as Severide pulled the car up to a large two story house that looked like the kind of place police would raid and haul out millionaires and celebrities in the mix.

"Let's go," Kelly said as he opened his door.

Casey leaned back in his seat with his arms folded tight against his chest and a pronounced scowl on his face. Severide poked his head in Casey's window and told him, "Casey, you have two choices, either you come in of your own volition, or I'm going to carry you in...I'm a firefighter, Casey, you _know_ I can do it."

Casey scowled at him but opened his door and got out. "What's her name again?"

"Rhonda Lind, come on, it'll be fine."

"I doubt that."

Casey followed Severide up the sidewalk and looked at the high ceiling over the porch while Kelly knocked on the door. Casey turned his eyes towards the door as he heard the knob turn.

The door opened and a bubbly voice answered, "Kelly!"

Casey's scowl melted away and he felt his mouth fall open and his eyes bug out in shock. The woman who answered the door was almost a dead ringer for Leslie Shay. She was almost as tall as Kelly, had long blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, and was dressed in a black sweatshirt and beat up blue jeans. Light blue eyes, full pink lips, even the bone structure in her face looked just like Shay.

"Hi, Rhonda," Kelly said with a big smile as he hugged her.

He turned back and grabbed Casey's wrist to pull him to the front. The sudden jerking movement brought the lieutenant back to reality and he tried not to stare at the woman.

"This is Matt Casey," Severide said.

"Come on in," the woman smiled at them. As the two men entered the house, Rhonda closed the door and said to Matt, "It's nice to meet you, Matt, Kelly's told me all about you."

Casey opened his mouth to respond, then did a double take, and glared over at Kelly, "And what did he tell you?"

"Only good things," Rhonda answered assuredly.

"All lies!" Matt automatically replied, a line he had used on previous occasions, but hadn't for a long time. For a brief second he felt like he'd gotten back a piece of himself that had been missing.

"So, are you guys ready to get started?" Rhonda asked.

"Yeah, we are," Kelly told her.

"Great," the blonde woman pointed behind her, "There's a changing room in the back, and then head out the second door on your left."

Casey turned his head and asked Severide suspiciously, "There's a _what_?"

* * *

Casey sucked in a huge breath of air as he emerged in the water and shook the excess off of his hair and skin.

In the backyard of Rhonda's house was an Olympic sized heated swimming pool, and the two lieutenants had spent half an hour going back and forth across the 50 meter distance.

Severide bobbed up in the water like a bath toy and smacked the water off his face and called over to Matt, "Well, what do you think?"

Casey caught his breath and answered, "Interesting therapy session." He called over to the other man, "Severide, how'd you meet that woman?"

"In a bar," Kelly answered without missing a beat.

"What else? You sleep with her?"

Kelly rolled his neck. "Tell the world, Casey."

"Well?"

"We had a thing," he answered. As if reading his mind, he added, "That's one way she's different from Shay, she's not into women...I don't think."

"So what happened?" Casey asked.

Kelly shrugged, "Just didn't work out."

"Too familiar?"

"Not _that_ familiar. She's not _that_ much like Leslie."

"Just looks like her."

"Believe me, I noticed," Kelly replied.

"When did you meet her?"

"...Shortly after Shay died."

Casey nodded silently in understanding.

"It help?" he asked.

"I think so," Kelly responded.

"So...what does she do when she gets you on the couch?" Casey asked.

"She doesn't."

"Huh?"

"I told you she's not like a psychiatrist," Severide said.

"But you've been seeing her all this time?"

"Not officially, I told you, you just talk to her."

"And that works?" Casey asked.

"You'll just have to see for yourself," Kelly told him.

Casey let that sink in, and slipped back under the water. As he resurfaced, they heard the back door swing shut. The floodlights on the house showed Rhonda heading their way with a couple of towels.

"Hey guys," she called to them, "having fun yet?"

"Oh yeah," Kelly called back, "water's great."

Rhonda crouched down on the linoleum right in front of them and asked, "You guys want a drink?"

"No thanks, I'm good," Casey said.

"You got beer in there?" Kelly asked.

"Yeah," she answered.

"Then I'm in," Kelly said as he climbed out of the water. He shivered and let out an instant 'brrrrrrrr' as the chilly night air hit him once he left the heated pool. He turned back to Matt and asked, "Casey, you alright by yourself, buddy?"

Casey waved them off and started on another lap.

* * *

"He seems like a great guy," Rhonda said as she watched Casey through the window facing the pool.

"He is," Kelly said, changed back into his clothes, "that's why I hate what's happening to him."

"Come on," Rhonda nodded her head towards the door and they went to the living room. Rhonda sat down on the couch, but Kelly stood leaned against the wall facing her.

"So why did I just hear about this three days ago at 2 o' clock in the morning, and not when it first happened?" she asked.

"Casey didn't want anybody to know, I wouldn't have been able to get him out here," Kelly said.

"I'm not asking about Casey, I'm asking why _you_ didn't tell me what happened," she said.

Kelly looked to the ceiling and shook his head. "I didn't think it would be this bad, I thought the worst would be over after a few days."

She nodded, and asked, "And how _were_ the first few days?"

Kelly looked at her, "What can I say? Casey walked around the house kicking, punching and smashing anything that wasn't nailed down. He tried climbing over the kitchen table to kill me, I don't know, I guess you'd call that normal or something?"

"But you two went back to work two days after it happened," Rhonda said, "how did that go?"

"Casey didn't know anybody knew, so he was fine there."

"And how _did_ he do on the job?"

"Fine. That was the only thing that seemed to take his mind off what happened, going on shift was the only time I didn't have to drag him out of the house, he couldn't get there soon enough. He kept his mind on his work, did it as well then as he ever does, I guess it was the only real distraction he could get so he didn't have to think about it," Kelly explained.

"But that's not a long term solution," Rhonda said. "Sooner or later, he'd have to deal with what happened."

"Which is what he tried to avoid all along," Severide told her, "he begged me not to call the cops, not to take him to the hospital, I did anyway, I thought it was the right thing to do."

"And how have you been doing in light of what's happened?" she asked.

Kelly looked at her hopelessly and asked, " _Why_ does everyone keep asking how _I'm_ doing? Everybody's been asking since the day after, how _I'm_ doing, but I wasn't the one attacked, it doesn't matter how I'm doing, all that matters is how Casey's doing."

"So how _are_ you doing?" Rhonda asked as she crossed one leg over the other and balled her hand up and rested it against her temple.

Kelly looked at her, and after a few seconds he shook his head, "I don't know. All I've tried to do is help Casey and it just seems everything I do is wrong and makes things worse."

She nodded and asked, "So what _is_ the extent of your relationship with Matt?"

"Extent of our..." Kelly's eyes bulged and the look on his face in any other situation would be nothing short of hysterical. "Don't tell me you're like that too, since we're roommates and we live together, that must mean we're sleeping together, right?"

"Are you?" Rhonda asked with absolutely no readable emotion in her voice. Kelly had been spilling his problems on her for years and she was always the same way, no matter what he said or how many times he got defensive with her questions, she couldn't be anymore nonchalant if she was asking him for the time of day. Her voice and her tone never gave any clues to what she was thinking, and it drove him crazy, but somehow it always worked out, so he kept coming back to her to complain about what was bothering him.

But that didn't mean he didn't still get defensive with her. "Not like _you're_ thinking," he sniped.

"I'm not thinking _anything_ , Kelly," Rhonda told him, "I'm letting you tell me what's what."

He calmed down and asked her a bit sheepishly, "Nothing I say leaves this room?"

"Between you, me and the grave, Kelly," she answered.

"And if some defense attorney comes sniffing around wanting to know about what I've told you?" he asked.

"You're not a patient, Kelly," Rhonda explained, "there is not one single record of you listed in any of my paperwork that lists you as a patient, a referral, evaluation, anything. So since you're not my patient, there is no confidentiality, and a lawyer is less likely to come to a psychiatrist about an issue that is not confidential because if it's not confidential, it cannot possibly pertain to any patients, and if it doesn't, they will see absolutely no need to use it in court. We are just two friends having a conversation, and I cannot really be expected to remember every single conversation I have with my friends, can you?"

He smiled at her and said, "You're good."

"I know what I'm doing," she said, "the patients who are confidential don't have any secrets any criminal lawyers would be interested in. I keep my paying patients close, and my 'real' patients off the record."

He grinned and said, "You know, I'm sorry things didn't work out between us, because I think I'm falling in love with you again."

She didn't respond to that and merely said, "Back to the original question, Kelly?"

"The question being _do_ we sleep together?"

"Yes."

"...Not like _that_."

Rhonda nodded. "If you don't feel comfortable discussing it, we don't have to."

"No, I want to clear this up just so I don't have to wonder what dirty little thoughts are running through your mind when I leave here," Kelly told her as he sat down in a chair beside the couch.

That had been easier said than done. Kelly took a few seconds to figure out exactly what he was going to say, then he jumped into it.

"After the attack, Casey couldn't sleep, he'd wake up every hour screaming, after a while he just sat up on the couch all night so he wouldn't fall asleep, I stayed up with him to make sure nothing happened, I wasn't sure what he was capable of doing."

Rhonda nodded and let him continue.

"One night I'm joking around and jump into bed with him, trying to get a reaction out of him, you know, get him to laugh, do something, he fell asleep...it was the first time since the attack he slept all night without waking up screaming."

"And how did that make _you_ feel?" she asked.

He glared at her, "Smartass."

"Well?"

"I wasn't sure what to make of it, but he needed to sleep, so if it helped for whatever reason, I was willing to do it."

"And did you, past that?" she asked.

"A couple times. After that we stayed up watching TV on the couch, usually just fell asleep after a few hours."

"And he didn't have nightmares?"

"If he did, they weren't enough to wake up yelling, so I guess that's something."

Rhonda nodded again. "You said the first couple days, Casey went around the house hitting everything...that include you?"

"He tried a couple times, it was my fault. Right after the bastard got away, one of the first things Matt said to me was 'don't touch me', that's the only thing I regularly heard out of him for a week or so, 'don't touch me'. I forgot..."

"And he hit you?"

"A couple times...other times he didn't do anything," Kelly said.

"Other times?" Rhonda raised an eyebrow.

"It's not in my nature to stand by and just watch someone suffer. On the job we have to emotionally detach from the victims because that's the only way we can stay focused and get the job done...but off the job, one of my friends...I can't do it."

"And was there a specific way you touched him that triggered his violent reactions?" Rhonda asked.

"No, it was if I put a hand on him at all, sometimes even before I could."

"And the times you did, and he didn't respond, that was 'at all' as well?" she asked.

"I guess so."

"Would you mind showing me?"

"What?"

"I'll be Casey, and you put your hands on me like you did him," she said.

"Are you serious?"

"Let's see if there was a pattern of any sort," Rhonda stood up. "Okay, I'm Matt, and you are trying to help me, what do you do?"

Kelly sighed and felt ridiculous about this, but he decided he didn't have anything to lose. He got up and stood beside Rhonda and looked her over and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't touch me," she said simply. "Right?"

"Yeah, only louder."

"What else?"

Kelly rolled his eyes at this experiment, but he wrapped an arm around her.

"Don't touch me," she said. "More?"

Kelly tried to remember. The first night came to mind. He took a few steps away from Rhonda, then turned around and came towards her, his arms slightly outstretched.

"Don't touch me," Rhonda said, just before he was close enough to reach her.

"Yeah."

"And the times you did and he didn't respond?"

"Come on, Rhonda, this is stupid."

"Just try it, there're no witnesses, nothing that happens here will leave this room," she said.

"Okay," he huffed. He tried to think back to the first time Casey didn't scream at him. He reached over and put his hand on her back, then started rubbing it.

"What else?" she asked.

He tried to remember. He clapped a hand on her shoulder.

"Okay, what else?"

Kelly sighed in remembrance and a second later, wrapped his arms around her in a crushing hug.

"Okay," she said.

"So what does it mean?" Kelly asked as they sat down again.

"I don't think the times Matt said 'don't touch me', that your actions in anyway triggered a flashback for him, I think it was his attempt to regain some form of _control_ in his life, because that's what rapists take away from their victims, their ability to be in control of a situation. Casey knows if he tells you 'Don't touch me', you'll listen to him and likely won't."

"Capp bumped into Casey by accident one day and Casey nearly took his head off," Severide told her.

"Does he have a good relationship with Capp?" Rhonda asked.

Kelly shook his head.

"He trusts _you_ , Kelly, he feels safe around _you_ ," Rhonda told him.

That genuinely surprised Severide. "Because I stopped the guy raping him?"

"I don't think so, it goes deeper than that," she said, "you two have known each other since the academy?"

"Right."

"How many close calls have you two had on the job where one had to pull the other out?" she asked.

"Too many to remember," he answered. "But that happens with everybody."

"Maybe so, but I think the instances it's happened to you two over the years has cemented a bond between you, Casey _knows_ if he's in trouble, you will help him."

"Oh yeah, some help I've been lately," he snorted. "If I'd just listened to him, none of this would be happening."

"He was in shock, Kelly, he would've died if you didn't take him to the hospital, and they would've figured out what happened either way," she pointed out. "And the police _would_ have been called as soon as they found out. You're not at fault for anything that's happened."

"Except I told him to trust me, and all I've done is make things worse," Kelly replied.

"Even if you hadn't called the cops, and hadn't told the members of the House what happened, Casey would still have the trauma, he'd still have the nightmares, the insomnia, the flashbacks, the triggers, he would still be going through all of this, but then he would also have a lot less support than he does now, that would not have helped him any," Rhonda explained. "It's painful but it's better to get this out in the open instead of trying to bottle it up."

"And what happens now that it's going to trial, and they're going to pin it all back on Casey and say he wanted it? What if this guy walks? He's already out on bail, what if the jury actually buys it?" Kelly asked.

"What would happen to the next victim he targeted if the cops hadn't stopped him?" Rhonda replied.

Kelly wasn't sure how to answer that.

They heard the knob of the backdoor turning and Kelly looked at Rhonda.

"Just follow my lead," she said.

As the door opened, Rhonda said loudly so the sound traveled halfway through the house, "So I told the guy 'Hey, if you want to learn defensive driving, go to the amusement park with a dozen firefighters and spend 4 hours on the bumper cars'. Of course now with Whirlyball it's even worse, am I right or am I right?"

Severide fell back in his chair laughing like he'd already put away a few beers and replied, "That is so true."

They turned and saw Casey as he entered the dining room dripping wet and wrapped in a towel that practically engulfed him.

"Everything alright, Matt?" Rhonda asked.

"Yeah," he said with a slight shiver, "I'm gonna go get dressed and then we can go."

"Sure thing, buddy," Kelly said.

They waited until he was gone, then Rhonda turned to Kelly and said, "He really is your best friend, isn't he?"

"Oh, there are days I wouldn't swear to it," he responded, "Pretty sure he wouldn't either."

"And why's that?"

"Eh, job related."

"Ah yes, the age old Truck/Squad pissing match, right?" Rhonda asked.

"Do you have any idea how much you remind me of Leslie right now?" Severide asked.

"Incidentally, did you ever apologize to Casey and his team about the whole Rice thing?"

"You're never going to let me live that one down, are you?" he asked her.

"Should I?" she asked in the typical psychiatric pain in the butt answer a question with a question method.

"No," Kelly answered her first question, "with the whole Nesbitt thing and Casey kidnapped and his life threatened, there wasn't really time to squeeze in an 'I'm sorry for being an idiot' in there when we finally found him, we were too busy just being thankful he was alive. And when it was all over, it was too late to bring it up."

"I'm pretty sure he would still remember it," Rhonda said.

He stared at her for the longest time and didn't say anything. "You think I should apologize. Rhonda, that was years ago."

"Well I'd about guarantee Casey _knows_ you're sorry for being a self righteous jackass, but you have to admit it's kind of nice to actually _hear_ it," she replied with a smirk.

"God you remind me so much of Leslie," Kelly said, "Times like this I _really_ wish she was still here."

"She and Matt were close?"

"Not as close as she and I were, but yeah, I think she'd be able to help him right now, she might've been able to undo some of the damage I did," he said. He moved forward in his chair and asked her, "Am I wrong? I've tried to understand the reason why Casey didn't want this getting out to anybody, and in a sense, I get it, it's traumatic, it's humiliating, I get that...but, I just don't get how he could _want_ to keep this to himself. I tried for two weeks to get him to talk about what happened, he shut me down. Boden's secretary, Connie, she talks to him one time, gets him to open up like an umbrella. I don't get it."

"What did Connie do?" Rhonda asked.

"We don't know, nobody knows how Connie does anything she does. All she said was some things take a woman's touch."

"Male rape victims are sometimes more likely to open up to women than they are other men," she told him, "they don't fear the judgment and scrutiny quite as much, as far as they know the women are more likely to understand where they're coming from, because the odds are they've probably been in the same situation themselves."

"Connie? No way, she..." Severide clapped his hand over his mouth as he realized what he started to say.

"And that's part of the problem," Rhonda said, "when we as a society say only certain people can be raped, suggesting they somehow do something to warrant it, or when we say this person or that person can't be raped because they're older, heavier, have a disability, dress respectably, because they're male, a cop, a grandmother..."

"I was going to say ferocious, you've never seen Connie get mad," Kelly said.

"Another problem is there are so many men out there who _do_ understand what it's like, but nobody has any way of knowing who they are, because so many of them _don't_ report their attacks, and don't speak up, so one man could very easily open up to another about his ordeal and there could be a mutual understanding between them, but we still refuse to admit men can be victims of rape as easily as women, so the victims who are willing to come forward only feel comfortable disclosing to women," Rhonda explained, "we're talking a serious failure to communicate here, Kelly."

"Yeah, I guess so," he replied. "So now what do I do?"

"Just let him know that you're there for him, that's all you can do," she told him.

Kelly shook his head, "It's not enough."

"Unfortunately that's all we have," she said.

Kelly turned and looked towards the dining room and said, "He's been back there for a while." He got up from his chair and went to see what was taking so long, Rhonda was right behind him.

They got as far as the kitchen, and stopped. In the corner of the kitchen where there were no appliances or cupboards, there was a small couch near the heat vent in the floor, and Casey was curled up on it asleep. Severide moved to go wake him up, but Rhonda put her hand out and silently mouthed, "shhhh" and motioned for him to follow her back to the living room. Kelly wasn't sure what was going to come of this, but he followed her and they sat back down on the sofa.

"We just gonna leave him there?" he asked.

"Until he wakes up, or it's morning, whichever comes first," she answered, "you know I don't mind the company."

"Boy I wish more psychiatrists were like you," he laughed.

* * *

Kelly woke up at 3 o' clock in the morning to use the bathroom, on his way back to his spot on the couch in the living room, he passed by the kitchen and was startled by a sudden incoherent sound. He turned around and saw, courtesy of the small rectangular light that hung over the kitchen sink, that Casey was half turned over and murmuring something. Kelly double checked the clock on the microwave, if what he was about to do kept Casey up the rest of the night, at least he'd already have a six hour head start. He went over to Casey and crouched down and tried to see the other lieutenant's face, but couldn't tell if his eyes were open or not.

"Casey, you awake?" he asked in a hushed tone.

Casey responded with a slurred, "'Ooh is it?"

"It's Kelly."

"Kelly who?"

"Kelly Severide."

Casey moaned softly and turned away from him.

"Casey," Kelly tried again, "Casey, I want to apologize."

Even with his back to him, Kelly could hear him asking, "Fo' what?"

"For being an idiot."

"What now?"

Okay, he guessed he had that coming.

"Just in general."

"Oooohkay."

"I'm also sorry about the whole Rice thing."

Casey yawned and turned back over and asked, "Rice who?"

"Never mind, I'll explain it to you later."

"Ooohkay."

And just like that, Casey was dead to the world. Kelly wanted to laugh. He leaned down close to Matt and watched the steady movement of his chest rising and dropping with every breath he took. He leaned over and lightly kissed Matt on the crown of his head.

"Sleep tight, buddy," he whispered as he moved to get up.

Kelly stood up, turned around, and saw a dark figure standing in the doorway.

"That was touching."

"Geez, you scared me to death!" Kelly whispered as he reached over and slapped Rhonda on the arm. "What're you doing down here, you got bat radar or something?"

"I heard you stumbling around, wanted to make sure you weren't doing anything else stupid," Rhonda whispered.

"And?" he asked.

In the half light from the other side of the kitchen, he could see her smiling at him and she playfully chucked him on the chin and said, "Ya did good, Kelly. Come on."

The two of them went into the living room and Rhonda found the remote and turned on the TV to give them a light to see by. Kelly saw she was wearing a set of black pajamas with Loony Tunes on them.

"Oh that's attractive, that's what you wear to bed now?" he asked.

"You don't like it?" she asked teasingly.

"Compared to what you used to wear to bed, I'd take nothing," he said with a mischievous smirk.

Rhonda's response was to throw a pillow at him. He sat down on the couch with her and she asked him, "So, you gonna tell him again tomorrow?"

"Eh, one of these days," Kelly replied, "I thought it'd be easier the first time if he wasn't fully conscious for it. He needs to sleep, and I don't need an hour of 'I told you so'."

She laughed in response.

Kelly's calm demeanor melted away and he asked her, "What am I going to do if this bastard walks? What's going to happen to Casey then?"


	9. Chapter 9

"Stone said there was some screwup with the scheduling," Casey told Severide the next day. "The preliminary hearing's going to be the last item of the day, and he thinks it's going to take two days to present everything to the judge."

"This is an open and shut case," Severide said, "what's taking so long?"

"Our testimonies among other things," Casey said, "he's going to put me on the stand first, and that's going to take up most of the first day, then he wants you to come in the next day and testify to what you saw."

"I'll be there when you testify," Kelly told him.

"That's not necessary."

"Casey, I'm gonna be there," Severide insisted.

Casey looked at him for a few seconds, then finally responded, "I appreciate it. Just don't tell the guys when it is, I don't want them all showing up for it."

"Well it's going to be a little awkward when I tell Chief we need to cut out early so he can prep our testimony," Kelly replied.

"If they really have my back, they should understand."

"Casey..."

"Kelly," Matt turned to him and looked like what he was going to say was physically hurting him, but he pressed on, "If Katie had stayed in Chicago and taken the bastard that violated her to trial...would you want everybody from 51 in there listening to what happened to her?"

Severide slowly nodded, "You're right, I'm sorry."

Casey sighed and told him, "So am I. None of this should be happening." He turned around and kicked the coffee table clear across the room and it came within an inch of going through the TV screen.

"Matt."

Casey growled under his breath and turned around and beat the wall with his fists and some of the drywall fell out.

"Matt!" Severide went over to him.

" _None_ of this should've happened, why the hell did this guy target _me_?" Casey wanted to know.

"I don't know," Severide said. "I don't know."

Casey let out an animalistic yell and hit the wall again with both fists but not enough to knock out anymore plaster. Then he pressed his forehead against the wall and slowly sunk down into a crouching position and Severide could hear his muffled cries. He knelt down beside Matt and gently pressed a hand against his back.

"It's gonna be alright," he told Casey, "I promise."

Casey cupped his hands over his face, which further distorted his words as he tried to speak, but Severide could still plainly hear him say, "I wish it was all over."

Kelly rubbed his back and told him, "I know, buddy, I know.'

* * *

"Can I ask you a question?" Matt asked Kelly the next day.

"What's that?"

"You go to this woman...Rhonda...what do you talk to her about?"

Kelly shrugged his shoulders, "Anything you want."

"But I mean how does this therapy of hers work?"

"You just talk to her, doesn't matter about what really. She won't pry, she's not invasive."

"So...if I wanted to leave out this whole mess?"

"Wouldn't matter to her," Kelly answered. "She's pretty easy to talk to about just about anything. You want to talk to her about construction work, she probably has _some_ opinion on it. You want to talk to her about the Blackhawks, she knows it. Feel free to talk to her about the job, she definitely gets that, don't have to take time explaining all the terminology to her."

"Hmm." Casey looked at him and asked, "What do you talk to her about? If you don't mind my asking."

"...About Shay," Kelly answered.

Casey slowly nodded and said, "Kind of figured."

"About Jones."

"Yeah."

"About breaking my neck, the operation."

"Mm," Casey nodded again.

"Benny...Hadley...Andy...my mom...Katie...Anything you feel like opening up about, it's all fair game," Severide told him. "Look, I told you she's not like a psychiatrist. Anything you tell her, it's all off the record, Cardoza's lawyer could never use any of it in court, I promise."

* * *

"It's good to see you again, Matt," Rhonda said as she let Casey in her house. "To be honest I was surprised to see Kelly's not with you."

"Severide had to go pick up a new battery for his car," Casey told her. "Besides, I didn't really want him here to hear what I was going to say."

"Well you don't have to worry about that," she said as she led him to the living room, "Kelly and I have a mutual understanding, when I'm seeing other clients, he buzzes off."

Casey got out a short laugh at that and sat on the couch. He found himself staring at Rhonda again and he recovered from his shock and told her, "I'm sorry, it's just that you remind me so much of someone I used to know."

"Leslie Shay," Rhonda nodded, "I know, Kelly told me about her shortly after we met."

"How...did you meet Severide anyway?" Casey asked.

"In a bar, not one of my finest moments," she confessed, "I went in because my battery was dead, and I asked if anybody could give me a jump. He'd had a few and took that as a line, so he got fresh and then I slapped him. Then he went out to his car and jumped the battery anyway, so I thought, okay, maybe this guy's okay. So I had a couple drinks with him...then I slapped him again."

Matt raised an eyebrow in silent inquisition.

"He was fresher than I was accustomed to," Rhonda said. "Didn't stop me from jumping into bed with him, but that was after we got to know each other better."

"So what happened? I mean..."

She smiled at him and explained, "What's that saying, we were good lovers but better as friends...we wound up talking in bed more than anything. And that was even before he knew I was a psychiatrist."

"Can I ask why you went into this line of work?" Casey asked.

"You mean officially or..." she pointed, "my _real_ work here?"

"Yeah."

"Did Kelly say something about if you wanted to discuss your job, the calls you go on?" Rhonda asked.

"Yeah...he said that you'd understand about it."

"Right, but not because of Kelly," Rhonda said. "My dad was a fireman."

"Oh."

"He didn't really care whether I wanted to follow in his footsteps when I grew up or not, but he'd be damned if he didn't teach me all he knew," Rhonda told him. "It was a lot worse for firemen in his day because they didn't have the technology or experience they have today, so a lot more mistakes were made and it was a lot harder to get people out of fires, get the fires put out, and not die in the fires themselves."

Casey nodded in understanding.

"He was on a lot of calls where by the time they got there it was already too late, and in the secondary searches, there were several times he would be standing on the bodies and not know it until it was too late because the fire had scorched them down to a gnarled bit of nothing."

Casey closed his eyes and groaned in grim remembrance of similar events on calls he'd responded to over the years.

"And you know, back then it wasn't seen as acceptable for firefighters to get any kind of counseling for that stuff," Rhonda rolled her eyes, "supposed to just walk it off, shift after shift, year after year...apparently that stuff wasn't supposed to be traumatizing. So anyway, one day my dad is called into court to testify in an arson case, bastard on trial set fires and set traps that when the firemen came to save the people trapped inside, eight of their own got killed as well. They've got traps that survived the fire, they've got his fingerprints on them, they have eyewitnesses, but the defense tries to shred my dad's credibility by saying 'Mr. Lind, isn't it true that for the past six months you spend three days every week in a psychiatric ward in 24 hour watches?'"

Casey groaned, "That's brutal."

"Yeah, except my dad was ready for him. He told the shyster he was not a mental patient, he was not institutionalized, he was not on any medications, he was not receiving any psychiatric treatments. See he had a friend who was a doctor there, and he had this friend get him in when he got off shift, and he'd spend 24 hours in a padded cell."

"Why?" Casey asked.

"Well my dad told the lawyer 'It's my understanding that you are not a father, but let me tell you after I get off shift where I deal with burn victims, arsonists setting traps for us and protesting morons in the street trying to kill us when we go out on call by throwing rocks and Molotov cocktails at us, the only way I can stay sane is to get total peace and quiet for 24 hours before going home to see my four screaming kids'. The jury busted up laughing. He said a rubber room was a comfortable enough place for him to just drop on the floor and sleep for most of the day...but I suspected he also went there because nobody would listen to him screaming or crying or throwing himself against the wall, that was his outlet for all the stress he had on the job. And before that mouthpiece could say anything else, my dad pointed out he was not taking services away from any patients who needed it since the rubber rooms were in an old part of the ward that hadn't even been used since it was renovated 20 years earlier, so no tax money was being fraudulently used in his turning the cell into his own bunk room 3 times a week."

"Interesting."

"The best help he could get was unofficial and highly unorthodox, so that's also why I do what I do with you, Kelly, and a few other choice clients," Rhonda told him. "It's all off the books, I keep no physical record of anything."

"So how do you remember everything?" Casey asked.

She pointed to her temple and answered, "I have near total perfect recall, I don't forget anything anybody says to me."

"I imagine that must make your sessions pretty short," Matt said.

"Not really, when doctors ask patients to go back over something, it's not because they can't remember, but to see how the patient responds. Like when you ask a concussion victim their name, you know their name but you want to see if they remember it."

"So...what do I talk about?" Casey asked.

Rhonda sat back against the cushions, "Anything you want."

Casey sheepishly ran his hand over his face and closed his eyes, "Severide told you about what happened to me, didn't he?"

"He said you might need my help."

"And if I don't want to talk about it?" he asked as he opened his eyes and looked at her.

"Then you don't have to," she said.

"Would you recommend it?" he asked.

"Everybody has to do what's right for them in their own time, there's no clock on it," she said, "although sometimes opening up sooner instead of later does have its benefits."

"And if you don't do it right away, then you're accused of lying," Casey said.

"Nobody ever accused the legal system of being understanding," Rhonda replied. "Or society for that matter."

Casey sucked in a long breath and huffed it back out. "I don't want to do this...I know the odds are stacked against me as soon as I walk into that courtroom, they've got all the physical evidence they need but this bastard might still walk."

"That _is_ usually a risk," Rhonda said.

He looked at her and said, "Your dad was a fireman, and he taught you everything he knew, right?"

"Right."

"So maybe you can appreciate what I'm about to say." Casey leaned back, looked her dead in the eyes and told her in all sincerity, "I would rather run head-on into a 10 alarm fire on the 6th story of a building with no oxygen, no helmet, no turnout gear, and no ladder, than go through with this trial. Is that clear enough for you?"

"Crystal," Rhonda replied. "And the reason why it scares you so much is precisely why this is so important."

Casey shook his head. "I still don't want to do it."

"Is anybody from 51 going to be with you during the trial?" she asked.

"Severide's coming with me to the hearing, only half of the reason is his own testimony."

"Anyone else?"

Casey shook his head. "I don't want them to."

"Because of what they'd hear from the lawyers."

He nodded.

"And you didn't want them to find out what had happened to you at all, right?"

"Pretty much."

"But they did?"

"Typical screwup of the CPD. The cop who came to 51 couldn't keep his mouth shut," Casey bitterly responded.

Rhonda merely nodded. "And that was the worst thing that could possibly happen, _after_ the attack, right? Everybody finding out."

"Yep," Casey closed his eyes and nodded sharply.

"And what _did_ happen when they found out?" she asked.

Casey kept his head down and took in a few ragged breaths.

"Nothing...absolutely nothing," he admitted as he looked at her.

"But you were afraid of what might happen when they found out."

"Not looking forward to it is a better choice of words."

"But Kelly knew what happened...he was _there_ , wasn't he?"

Casey sucked in a pained breath and looked to the floor again. "He stopped it."

She nodded. "But you didn't worry about Kelly knowing, did you?" Casey seemed to be trying to bury his gaze even further to the floor, she pressed on. "You weren't worried about what he would think, were you?"

Slowly, Casey raised his head, looked at her, and shook his head.

"Because he was actually _there_ , and he _saw_ what happened, so he _knew_ that it wasn't your fault," Rhonda said. "Isn't that correct?"

Casey raised his hands to his face and tried to shut everything out, but to no avail.

"He _knew_ there wasn't anything you could've done to stop it, you knew he couldn't blame you for what happened," Rhonda told him. "The others weren't there, they didn't see what Kelly saw, so in their minds there might be room for doubt, the typical questions, 'how could you _let_ it happen', 'why didn't you try to stop it?', right?"

Casey slowly exhaled, lowered his hands and nodded in response.

"Do you still think they wonder that?" she asked.

He shook his head again and looked down once more.

"Nothing really changed once they knew, did it?"

He just shook his head again.

"Do they talk about it with you?"

"No...the few times it actually has come up...they don't actually talk about _what_ happened...but they just talk about it like it's any other problem that will pass, that we'll figure out, that they are all behind me on."

"So their finding out actually became a large source of support for you, didn't it?" she asked.

That drew a small smile from the lieutenant. But it didn't last. "It's easy now because they only know what the cop told them...but in court..."

"And you _know_ about being in court, don't you?"

Casey nodded. "It was bad enough when it was my mom...now _I'm_ going to be on trial, everything is going to come back on _me_ , nobody's going to focus on Cardoza...everybody's going to be looking at me and wondering what's wrong with me? How could I _allow_ it to happen? Am I even telling the truth?"

"And the first round of that will be the preliminary hearing."

Casey nodded.

"And Kelly's going to be there?"

"He plans on it."

She nodded. "And how would you describe you two's relationship since this whole thing happened?"

"What relationship?"

"You two are friends, right?"

"Yeah...I'm amazed we still are after everything that's happened."

"You didn't think he would abandon you because of what happened, did you?"

"No...not because of that, but maybe because of what I did...I know I've made his life hell these past few weeks, and all he does is stick around and _still_ try to help, I don't get it."

"Would you do the same for him if the roles were reversed?" she asked.

"Probably. I don't know what scares me more, the fact he's barely let me out of his sight since this happened...or the fact that it hardly bothers me. It's like...I'm...almost like I'm..."

"Scared?"

"Your words," Casey told her, but added to it, "of him not being around, when we're not on shift. Which is stupid, it's never been like this before."

"You invited him to move in with you?" Rhonda asked.

"Yeah, we go to work, we're on the same shift, we see each other when we get home at night, and when we leave in the morning, and that's usually it, we have completely separate lives...or did. Severide generally spends his nights off shift at every bar in driving distance...that night, he came home instead. I don't get it. And he hasn't gone out at night since..."

"Why do you think that is?" she asked him.

"I don't know. It is _not_ like Kelly Severide to stay at home at night instead of going to the bars and going home with everything that moves. No offense."

"Do you think he's worried the man who attacked you will come back?" Rhonda asked.

"That doesn't seem likely."

"But do you think that's why?"

"I don't know...maybe..."

"Or maybe because he's worried about you?"

He looked up at her with wide eyes and a sheepish expression on his face. "That could be...there have definitely been some _bad_ nights in the past three weeks..." he turned a shade paler as he added, "I don't know how I would've gotten through it all if he hadn't been there." He returned to his original question, "What if it's all for nothing and this guy walks? What's Severide going to do, hover over me for the rest of my life? We'll kill each other long before that." He sighed and slapped his hands against the sides of his head. "I want my life back to the way it was before all this happened."

* * *

"This is a bit unusual, Kelly," Peter Stone said when Severide met him at the restaurant where he was having dinner. "I thought both of you would be coming in."

"Casey's...indisposed right now," Kelly said, "I just wanted to get something clear. This _is_ an open and shut case as far as the evidence goes, right? I mean we've got the guy's DNA, we have Casey's blood, what more do you need for this to be a slam dunk?"

"Unfortunately, much actually," Stone told him. "Even if we had all the physical evidence possible, casting doubt on Casey's credibility is still the easiest way to sway the jury in the world."

"What more physical evidence do you need?" Kelly asked. "You've got Casey's blood, this guy's semen, Casey's skin cells on the knife..."

"Pictures of his injuries would've actually helped tremendously," Peter said. "Casey's going to walk into the courtroom without a mark on him, the police didn't see him, they can't testify to his appearance or his state, doctors didn't treat him for anything, the SANE nurse never saw him, her testimony would've actually been a particularly big help because she does this all the time. We have Casey's clothes...which prove that he and Cardoza had a rough sexual encounter but rough doesn't automatically equal rape. And as to the knife, they _are_ a part of some people's sexual activities. The defense can argue that drawing blood during sex heightens certain people's arousal. He doesn't even have a scar, the mark on his neck was superficial at best."

"It was intimidation," Kelly corrected him. "Don't move or I'll kill you, when somebody tells you that, and they have a knife at your throat, you _don't_ move."

"I realize that, but a lot of it is just secondhand circumstantial at best. You can't even testify how the attack started, you walked into the middle of it, for all you know..."

" _Don't_ start with me, Stone," Kelly warned him, "I know what I saw, Casey was scared to death."

"Of Cardoza, or of you walking in on him with his clothes all but torn off and another man on top of him? Maybe what you saw wasn't really fear but just shame and mortification at being caught having sex with a man. With no crime scene photos or doctor's report to verify anything, it'll be only his word that he got his head bashed in and was bloodied up."

"And _my_ word."

"And who are you? His best friend, who would say anything you had to to help him out. An unbiased witness who had no personal stake in it would strike more points with the jury. One of the best things we have going for us is what the forensics report _didn't_ find."

"What do you mean?" Severide asked.

"Casey walked out of that hospital with most of the DNA still on him, but the report found even for what there was, there was evidence he had been assaulted several times that night."

"Oh my God," Kelly said, "Casey didn't tell me that."

"The one thing in our favor is that the _only_ semen on his clothes was Cardoza's," Stone told him.

Kelly opened his mouth a couple of times to respond but he couldn't even think of how, he glared at the State's Attorney and asked, "What do you mean by that?"

"Part of the reason some rape victims don't come forward is they are able to experience arousal and even orgasm during their assault, which is always misconstrued by the defense as proof of consent. Cardoza clearly experienced several orgasms while he was raping Casey, but Casey never even..."

Kelly jumped up from his seat and just about grabbed Stone by the throat. Peter looked up at him, not even flinching. Kelly lowered his hands and sat back down.

"Your testimony is half of this case, Severide, if I'm actually going to put you on the stand, I need you to control your urge to strangle the defense," Stone told him.

"Is that why you're dragging this hearing out to two days?" Kelly asked.

"It wouldn't hurt to make sure you had another day to get your head on straight. You plan to be in the courtroom when Matt testifies?"

" _Yes_ ," Kelly answered in a 'well duh!' tone.

"You're already going to be riled up hearing him recall it, then the defense will tear every detail apart, I need you to come in with a cool head and not emotionally react to anything he does, just stick to the facts."

"I will," Kelly said as he got up, "I need to go. What time do you want us?"


	10. Chapter 10

Casey anxiously tapped his foot and watched the clock in the common room.

Otis crept over to Severide in the kitchen and asked, "What's with Casey?"

Kelly looked over and saw Matt sitting on the couch trying to act nonchalant and failing miserably, and he said quietly, "Tomorrow's the hearing, no offense, but he doesn't want anybody showing up."

"None of us?" Cruz asked.

"We're family, right? It's his wish, we need to respect it," Kelly told them.

"What do you think they'll decide?" Otis asked.

Kelly shook his head, "I don't know, assuming the judge says it's enough to go to trial, Stone still needs 12 to convict the bastard, his lawyer only needs 1 person to hang the jury and he walks free."

"You don't really think anybody on a jury will believe that crap, do you?" Cruz asked.

Mouch quietly cleared his throat and joined the conversation, "If they've got one person on that jury with a kinky love life, they could buy it, and it's becoming a well known fact most people are not as rigid about that stuff as they used to be."

"What if they have a rape victim on the jury?" Otis asked, "You think they'll believe anything the defense says?"

"Can they ask people about stuff like that when they're picking a jury?" Cruz asked Kelly.

Severide shrugged his shoulders. "Didn't occur to me to ask Stone."

"Even if they can, that doesn't necessarily mean anything," Otis said, "if they're too ashamed to report it, they're sure as hell not going to tell a rapist's defense attorney they were raped. They'd just lie."

"In which case, for once under-reporting the problem might actually work in the victims' favor," Mouch pointed out. "I mean think about it, do defense attorneys _ever_ seriously consider the people deciding his client's fate, might have more in common with the victim than the defendant?"

"You mean the lawyer makes the same mistake as everyone else, figuring only certain people can be raped, and anybody who makes it on a jury couldn't possibly be among them," Kelly said.

"Yeah," Mouch replied. "Casey could actually have this in the bag."

"Not yet," Kelly shook his head.

"Right," Herrmann said, "not until it's all over and we have a big party for him back at Molly's to celebrate."

"Oof," Cruz sighed, "What would we call that?"

"We'll figure that out later," Herrmann said, "meanwhile I tell you guys what, I wouldn't mind taking a shot at that piece of garbage defending that scum wad."

"He's a public defender, Herrmann," Otis said, "he has to take the cases he's assigned to."

"Yeah but that don't mean he gotta smear our lieutenant in order to do his job," Herrmann said. "And if it does, he's in the wrong line of work and should either be counting beans somewhere, or drug out into the streets and shot."

"I'm almost afraid to ask," Otis said, "what exactly do you have planned?"

"Here's what I'm thinking," Herrmann said with that sly smile of his that always spelled trouble, "While they're all in the courtroom doing the hearing, we find out which car belongs to this self righteous defense douche and have it moved in front of a hydrant. Then, we start a fire, just a small fire, but a fire nonetheless, we show up, hey, car's blocking the way, we gotta do something, right? So we smash out the windows and run the hose through it to the hydrant."

Joe and Brian were both trying not to laugh, Brian said to him, "Only you would have the balls to come up with such a plan to inflict on a guy who could own every last one of us for it."

"Well if you don't like that, I got another idea," Herrmann said. "Instead of going to all that trouble, we just set the car on fire, then we show up and pour a few thousand gallons of water on it. Either way by the time it gets done smoldering, it won't be no good for nothing."

"I'd like it better if this was a high paid attorney with a $80,000 car," Otis said, "but a public defender? Hardly seems worth the trouble."

"Yeah well, if you guys come up with anything that'll stick it to those bastards and incidentally cheer up our lieutenant at the same time, I'm all ears," Herrmann told them.

Cruz wasn't sure about that. But he went into the common room and stood by the couch. "Lieutenant."

"Cruz," Casey said, his eyes still on the clock.

There was an awkward pause as Joe tried to figure out something to say.

"You...want to talk about it?"

"No," Casey answered flatly.

"Okay...you want some company?"

Casey turned his head slightly to look at Cruz, and gave a very slight nod. Cruz sat down on the couch beside him and turned on the TV. Maybe it was just his presence, but something changed and Casey stopped tapping his foot and leaned back against the couch. Then he felt a sudden weight on the other side of him and saw Brian had joined them.

"Otis?"

"Lieutenant," he said nonchalantly.

Casey looked at one, then the other, and back again, as if trying to figure out what their plan was. For all intents and purposes, they looked like nothing out of the ordinary was happening whatsoever, and yet he knew that wasn't the case. But, as long as they didn't bring up the subject, he wasn't going to say anything, he crossed one leg over the other and took some comfort in at least _acting_ like everything was normal.

* * *

Casey knocked on Boden's door and entered, "You wanted to see me, Chief?"

"Briefly...go home, Casey," Wallace told him.

"What?" Casey asked.

"I know the hearing's tomorrow," Boden said, "I also know you don't want us there, and I understand the reasons why, and we'll respect those reasons, but I want you to know we will be there with you in spirit."

Casey looked up at Boden and said humbly, "Thanks, Chief."

"As it is, I'm taking you off duty for the rest of the day, I know tomorrow's going to be hell so go home and get some rest, you'll need it," he told Casey.

"Chief, all due respect, can I stay here until..."

"No no no," Boden shook his head, "if we have calls coming in all day and half the night, I know what's going to happen with you. You go home, get some sleep, and kick that son of a bitch's ass tomorrow."

Casey stood there frozen for a second, unsure what to do. He took a step towards Boden and hugged the man gratefully.

Boden slapped his back and told him, "You got this, Lieutenant, you got this."

"I'm sorry, Chief, I wish I could say I want you guys there," Casey started to say.

"It's alright, you know we will always be there for you _here_ , and anywhere else you need us," Boden said, "and you ever need _anything_ , doesn't matter day or night, you call us. Got it?"

Casey nodded, too overcome to actually speak.

* * *

"Boden sent you home too?" Casey asked as Kelly came through the door.

"More like I talked him into it," Kelly answered, "how're you doing?"

"I wish it was already tomorrow and tomorrow was already over, does that explain how I'm doing?"

Severide nodded. "Perfectly. Casey, you're going to do fine tomorrow, don't worry about it."

"Who's worried?" Matt asked. After a brief pause he asked Kelly, "Do you know if the judge says there's enough evidence to move ahead, it could be 2 months before the actual trial even begins? And that's what you call a 'speedy' trial, that's not even if his attorney waives time, it could be longer."

"One step at a time, Matt, there's always a chance somebody will shank him while he's awaiting trial," Severide told him.

"We can only hope," Casey moaned.

The two men heard one of their phones buzzing in the room. Casey picked his up off the coffee table, "It's not mine."

Kelly took his out of his pocket and answered without even looking to see who it was, "Hello?" His face instantly changed into a wide eyed look of shock. "Oh, hi, Mom."

Casey looked up and watched Severide while he continued speaking to his mother.

"I'm fine," Kelly said, "how're you? ...That's good...you're what? You are?" The mask of horror faded away and was replaced with a big smile, "Well that's great...when will you..." Kelly's whole face changed again and now he looked more shocked than anything. "Tomorrow? Uh...when tomorrow?" Severide quietly groaned and slapped himself in the forehead. "That's...well you see I..."

Kelly looked to Casey, trying to figure out what to say to explain why he wouldn't be available, but Casey just waved him off, Kelly nodded in understanding.

"Yeah actually I do have tomorrow off," Kelly said, his voice was chipper enough but his expression was a glum one. "Okay, I'll see you then...love you too..."

Kelly hung his head as he disconnected the call. He looked at Matt and said regretfully, "I'm sorry, Casey, my mom's coming into town tomorrow, she's on her way to visit an aunt of mine, she switches planes here but there's a five hour gap before the next one's ready."

"Sounds like she needs a better travel agent," Casey said.

"So anyway while she's waiting for the next flight to leave, she wants to see me while she's here."

"That's fine," Casey told him, "you go, I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" Kelly asked.

"It's your mom," Casey emphasized, "you have to go."

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright. Kelly, what have I been saying since this whole thing happened? I want my life back to normal, I appreciate everything you've done for me but I can't do that if you keep holding my hand all the time. Go on, have a good time, tell your mom 'hi' for me."

Kelly looked at him somberly and nodded, "Thanks, buddy." He took a step towards the kitchen, then thought of something, "Oh, do you want Rhonda to be there when you go tomorrow?"

"Nah," Casey shook his head, "she's probably seeing patients all day."

"If she's free, do you want her to come?"

He thought about it, and shook his head again. "I'm sure she won't hear anything she hasn't probably heard a thousand different times already."

"Well, if you want to talk to her about it afterwards..."

"Yeah, I know...I didn't really get too far with her the other day."

"But it's easier than you thought?"

"Yeah...what kind of psychiatrist is she anyway? I mean is her answer to everything to just blame the mother, or does she think every single thing has an underlying sexual component?" Casey asked.

"Uh...neither," Severide answered, "usually she just tells me I'm an idiot and to pull my head out of my ass."

Casey burst out laughing. "Oh I am _so_ sitting in on the next session. I've got to see how she keeps people coming back for more with that approach."

* * *

Rhonda opened her door and saw Kelly standing on her porch. Something about him seemed different from the last time she saw him, and she realized his hair was wet, and he had changed into a different set of clothes than the ones he'd had on when he dropped Casey off earlier that evening.

"Did you jump out of the shower and right into the car?" she asked.

"Eh, my mom's coming into town tomorrow, she's kind of prim and proper so I want to make sure I look presentable when she arrives," he said. "Where is he?"

"Come with me," she turned and headed to the dining room.

They went to the back of the house and looked out the window to the swimming pool. In the floodlights, Kelly could see Casey swimming furiously across the pool, he looked like Jaws was chasing him.

"How long's he been at that?" Severide asked.

"About two hours, what's going on?" Rhonda asked.

"The hearing's tomorrow."

"Oh."

"They won't be calling him until late afternoon, I'm not sure how he's going to get through the next 18 hours. I'm starting to wish I'd listened to Herrmann a while back."

"What do you mean?" she asked as they moved away from the window.

"He suggested getting some sleeping pills and putting them in Casey's food, at the time I figured the last thing he needs is one more betrayal but now I'm starting to wish..."

"Say no more," Rhonda said and went over to one of the kitchen cupboards.

Kelly watched her as she reached to the top shelf and took down a small box of pills.

"What're you gonna do?" he asked.

"Just leave everything to me," she said as she filled up her teakettle, "you watch the window and let me know when he gets out."

Severide went back to the window and watched as Casey continued to lunge through the water, then turn around and lunge back across the other way.

"I wish I were going with him tomorrow," Kelly told her, "he's going to need somebody with him when it's all over."

"And how's he taking this news that you can't make it?" Rhonda asked as she dug out a box of tea bags.

"Well, he _says_ he needs to start doing things by himself again...but I just don't think this should be one of them."

"He's been through a lot, hasn't he?" Rhonda asked.

"Oh yeah," Kelly nodded as he watched Matt turn around in the water and start again. "His mom killed his dad when he was a kid, apparently he was some kind of abusive prick, and she took it as long as it was her, then he started on Casey and she snapped. You know Sergeant Voight at the 21st District?"

"Doesn't everybody?"

"Well, Casey was the only witness that his son was driving drunk when he caused a crash that left a 16 year old paralyzed, Voight tried to make it go away, he tried to get Casey to retract his statement."

"Oh yeah, I remember reading about that in the paper," Rhonda said, "took out a hit on him, didn't he?"

"Sounds weird to say 'that's Voight', but it is," Kelly replied. "Then his fiancee was murdered, had to work with Voight to catch the bastard that did it."

"Talk about your conflict of interests," she said.

"He had his skull fractured when a building came down on him several years ago, for a while there was the question if he could even work again," Severide told her.

"Sounds like he's bounced back from a lot of stuff," Rhonda commented.

"Yeah well," Severide responded, "I'm just worried one of these days he won't be able to. This has pretty much pushed him at his limit."

* * *

Casey came in the back door soaking wet and covered in gooseflesh anyplace his towel didn't cover him. He had no idea how long he'd been in the pool but he was about ready to drop and decided to call it good before he drowned. He closed the door and saw Severide and Rhonda sitting at the kitchen table talking.

"Hey Matt," Rhonda said, "you know, if anything ever happens and you can't be a firefighter anymore, you'd sure have a hell of a shot at the Olympics."

"Uh, thanks...I think," he said, he looked over to Kelly and asked, "what're you doing here?"

"He's trying to get me to take him back," Rhonda said as she gripped a mug on the table, "and he's failing miserably."

Kelly took a drink of his mug and made a face and shook his head, "That stuff's stout, what'd you pour in there, grain alcohol?"

"No, that's just the tea," Rhonda said, and turned to Casey, "I got this new herbal stuff to try, I took the liberty of making three mugs if you want to try it."

"Uh, sure, I'll get it after I get dressed," Casey said as he headed over to the changing room.

"I hope this works," Kelly murmured.

"If you were right about his weight, then the dose should be enough to keep him knocked out for 10 hours at least," she told him. "I take one of these when I can't sleep, and I'm out all night."

"Good, I don't want him up all night worrying about the hearing."

"I'll drink to that," Rhonda said, and they clinked their mugs together.

* * *

The three of them sat around the table making conversation for an hour, talking about anything and everything except what was pressing on everybody's minds. Matt had to agree he didn't particularly care for the tea Rhonda had made, but he was a little more diplomatic than Severide and at least drank it down so he didn't offend Rhonda, who didn't seem to have any complaints about it whatsoever. During that time, Severide kept watching Casey for any signs the pills in his tea were taking effect, about halfway through their conversation he started to get bleary eyed and rubbed them like they were sore, then he started to keep his eyes shut for a few seconds each time he blinked, and then finally he dropped his head on the table and was in a dead sleep.

"About time," Kelly said as he pushed his chair back.

"You need a hand?" Rhonda asked as she got up.

"Nah, I do this for a living," Kelly said as he pulled Casey's chair back, lifted Casey up and over his shoulders and maintained a hold on one arm and both legs. "Just get the door."

Rhonda ran on ahead and opened the front door, then got ahead of Kelly and went down to the driveway to open the passenger side door of his car. Severide hunched down and eased Casey into the seat and got him buckled in.

"Thanks for your help, you don't know how much I appreciate this," he told her as he shut the door.

"Good luck tomorrow," she said.

"Thanks, we're probably gonna need it."

* * *

Casey woke up with a sudden gasp of shock. The room was dark and he couldn't see anything, but he inherently knew he was in his bedroom. He tried to remember what it was that had woken him up. Whatever it was, he could still feel his heart pounding in his chest and he felt the nerves in his back tingling.

Somebody touched his hand and he let out another gasp and jerked away from it.

"Hey, hey," he heard Severide's groggy voice, "it's alright, come here."

He felt Severide's hand grab his again and felt himself being pulled over to the other side of the bed.

Kelly wrapped an arm under Casey's back and turned him over towards him. "It's alright, I got you...go back to sleep."

He could feel Casey's heart racing in his chest, he could feel the startled breaths entering and leaving his body. After a few minutes he finally calmed down and seemed to fall back asleep, almost.

"K-Ke-Kelly," Casey slurred his name like he was drunk and about to pass out.

"What is it?" Severide asked.

Casey slurred the next words out of his mouth too, but Severide was able to decipher it anyway, "I love you."

He almost laughed. Those must've been pretty strong pills to get a reaction like that out of him.

"I love you too, buddy, now go to sleep," he said. "I got you, you're safe."

He felt Casey's head pressing against his chest, and after a few minutes heard the steady breathing of someone sound asleep again.

Kelly looked over to the digital clock on the nightstand, 2:00 A.M. He tilted his head back and sighed. Casey had already woken up once shortly after they got home, but it hand't been for long. Rhonda had given him a couple extra pills to take himself when he got home so they could both get some sleep, but Kelly wouldn't take them. Just incase they wouldn't work as well on Casey as hoped, he had to be awake to make sure Matt was alright. He'd remembered his conversation with Rhonda a while back and decided if his presence was what helped Casey get through the night undisturbed, then that's just what he'd do tonight, it was crucial Casey be as well rested as possible in the morning. Tomorrow couldn't come to be over fast enough for either of their comfort. Kelly especially wished it was already morning, as he held his best friend against him while he slept, a lot of things that had been revealed over the past few weeks started running through his mind all at once.

 _Casey moved back again and this time felt the wall behind him. The fight left him now and he sank down to the floor and groaned, "I don't want anybody to know what happened, please don't make me do this!"_

 _Kelly stepped back and said, "I don't know...they're supposed to be doing a, a, a kit on him right now...he didn't want to come here, Chief, and I understand it, really I do...but all I kept thinking was...what if this guy has AIDS, or an STD? Or what if Casey needs stitches...or surgery? What if he has internal bleeding or...something punctured, or ruptured, or..."_

 _"Casey walked out of that hospital with most of the DNA still on him, but the report found even for what there was, there was evidence he had been assaulted several times that night."_

 _"Oh my God," Kelly said, "Casey didn't tell me that."_

 _"The one thing in our favor is that the only semen on his clothes was Cardoza's," Stone told him._

 _"What do you mean by that?"_

 _"Cardoza clearly experienced several orgasms while he was raping Casey."_

 _"It was intimidation," Kelly corrected him. "Don't move or I'll kill you, when somebody tells you that, and they have a knife at your throat, you don't move."_

 _"I realize that, but a lot of it is just secondhand circumstantial at best. You can't even testify how the attack started, you walked into the middle of it, for all you know..."_

 _"Don't start with me, Stone," Kelly warned him, "I know what I saw, Casey was scared to death."_

 _"Of Cardoza, or of you walking in on him with his clothes all but torn off and another man on top of him? Maybe what you saw wasn't really fear but just shame and mortification at being caught having sex with a man."_

 _"At best, this guy's lawyer could say this was a consensual affair gone sour and Casey is just the bitter ex-lover who likes it rough," Antonio told him. "At worst, he could say that this was a gay love triangle gone wrong and Casey only cried rape because you walked in on him sleeping with another man."_

 _Severide was slow to respond to that because his brain was having trouble taking in what Antonio was saying. However, once it all registered, Kelly summed up his response with a solitary, "WHAT?"_

 _"Think about it, Kelly, you two live together, 'roommates', neither of which has any substantial relationship with any woman, a defense lawyer will milk that to the jury for all it's worth, and all the tabloids will run with it, 'Steamy Gay Firehouse Romance', then all of 51 will be dragged through the mud as well."_

 _"It was hell, Severide!" Casey told him. He sat down across from Kelly and told him, "They left me in that room for over an hour, they wouldn't let me have anything to drink, they wouldn't let me use the bathroom, they wouldn't let me take a shower..." the fight started to leave him and he groaned as he beat the table with his fist. "And then I'm supposed to stand around naked for another hour being probed and swabbed and violated while some cop asks me about my sex life and about how the attack happened, and somebody taking pictures of me with a ruler to measure the size of my wounds. Nobody should have to go through that, I don't care what anybody says."_

 _"I'm sorry, okay?" Kelly also became defensive, and told Casey, "I'm just trying to help!"_

 _" 'Trust me' you said! 'Trust me!' I didn't want anyone to know what happened, now everybody does!" Casey screamed at the top of his lungs, "Why the hell did you have to come home that night? Why couldn't you have stayed at the bar, drunk yourself stupid and gone home with some bimbo just like every other night of the week!?" Casey made a move towards Kelly and screamed at him, a raw primal yell, then he turned towards the door and stormed out, slamming the door behind him._

 _"I'm sorry I didn't kill that bastard when I had the chance," Kelly leaned back in his seat and said, "then none of this would be happening."_

 _Matt kept his arm pressed against Severide's back, and told him, "You saved my life...and I never even told you 'thank you'."_

 _"I am not questioning his ability to do his job," Boden told him. "I'm concerned about how he's recovering from this."_

 _"None of this should've happened, why the hell did this guy target me?" Casey wanted to know._

 _"I don't know," Severide said. "I don't know."_

 _"I want my life back the way it was."_

Severide tightened his hold on Casey, and whispered to him even though he knew Casey couldn't hear it, "I'm sorry, man, I'm so sorry...I'm sorry I didn't come home sooner that night."


	11. Chapter 11

_Casey had just gotten home, it was dark but he didn't turn on the lights yet. Acting on memory of where everything was, he went to the kitchen to get a drink. He finally stopped to turn on the light in the kitchen, and was halfway to the fridge when he heard the floor creak behind him. He turned around and started to say, "Sev-"_

 _And felt somebody punch him in the face. He staggered back but was still standing, he saw a blurry image of somebody standing in front of him, even though he couldn't see too well, he knew he'd never seen the man before and had no idea what he was doing in the house. The man grabbed him by the head and knocked him down, Casey let out a pained groan as the back of his head hit the linoleum. Then the man grabbed him by the head again and slammed his head back against the floor. Casey screamed in pain this time and felt tears running out of his eyes. He remembered his skull fracture on the job years ago, and started to worry about the damage this guy was going to do. Even though he was in too much pain to barely even move, he made a decision he would not struggle, he would not try and fight, he didn't want to die, and he hoped by lying where he was on the floor, the man would stop trying to bash his head in._

 _He heard a sound, it sounded like something being ripped or torn up, then he felt the man roughly grab his wrists and felt something wrap around them. Slowly he realized they'd been taped together, so now he really couldn't do anything to defend himself. Then he felt something smack him in the mouth and he realized the man had torn off another piece of tape to silence him._

 _His vision started to clear up and he got a better look at the man. He knew he had never seen him anywhere before. So why was he doing this to him?_

 _And then he saw the knife. And though he'd resolved himself not to react, he couldn't resolve himself not to show any fear. He felt his eyes widen, he couldn't stop it._

 _The man raised the knife and held it in front of Casey's eyes, and he crouched down and told him, "You try and fight me, I'll kill you, you got that?"_

 _Casey wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of a nod, he tried not to be responsive at all, but he heard the muffled sounds he was making against the gag of duct tape. His brain couldn't even comprehend if he was trying to say something or scream. The man made a quick move, and Casey felt paralyzed as he felt the cold tip of the knife against the delicate skin on his neck. Despite all his instincts that told him showing any acknowledgment of fear or pain would only make it worse for him, Casey found himself squeezing his eyes shut and felt himself starting to tremble as he felt the blade moving. He felt a sharp jab against his skin, and it forced a small sob out of him he couldn't restrain. He felt something wet and knew he was bleeding, it took him a few seconds to realize it wasn't a serious wound._

 _The man rose to his full height and Casey felt his eyes widen again in terror as he saw the man reaching for his belt and start to undo it._

 _Oh God, Casey thought to himself, this cannot be happening._

 _Then the man reached over for the light switch, and flipped it, casting the whole room into darkness._

 _Then the nightmare really began._

Casey opened his eyes and tried to force the memory aside. He looked at himself as he stood before the new mirror in his room, in the suit he was going to wear to court.

"You're gonna sit around in that all day until they call you?" Kelly asked as he poked his head in.

Casey turned to Severide, who merely added, "Hey, you give me the word, I'll tell my mom I can't make it."

"I meant what I said last night, Severide, I need to do this on my own," Matt told him.

"You don't have to prove anything, Casey," Kelly said.

"Yes I do, to myself."

Casey moved to step out the door, Severide moved to the side. Casey took one step, then turned and hugged Severide.

"Thank you though, for helping me get through this," he said.

He felt Severide's strong arms crushing against his back and the Squad lieutenant replied, "Hey, what're friends for? You'll do great today, I know you will."

Severide let go of Casey and told him, "Sorry, buddy, but I gotta get going, I'll see you tonight."

"Thanks," Matt responded. "See you then."

* * *

 _Casey felt the man grab him and flip him over on his stomach, and he cringed as he felt the man's hands on him. He inhaled the nauseating smell of cheap cigarettes and booze that was emanating from the man and choked against the tape. He was grateful at least for the darkness, the man wouldn't get any satisfaction from the tears rolling down his face as he felt the man all but rip his jeans open and jerk them and his underwear down to his thighs. Then he felt the man on top of him and he wanted to shrivel up and die. He screamed against the tape when the pain first started, and it felt like it went on forever. Casey thought the pain alone would be enough to kill him, and if it didn't, he could feel the bleeding start, that would probably be enough to do it. He buried his face against the floor and sobbed against his gag as he felt the attack draw to a close, and only wondered what would happen now that the man seemed to be done with him. He didn't know if he'd blacked out for a while or not, but it was with a horror he had never known that he realized the assault had not ended but was happening again._

 _The lights came on and Matt tried to scream. He felt the man get off of him, then heard a crash and glass breaking, and heard the man fall down. His whole body felt like jelly after being pinned to the floor for he didn't know how long, but he managed to move around partially so he was able to see who had caused that._

 _Severide._

 _Casey felt both relief and horror, thankful the attack was over, horrified that Kelly saw him like this, he screamed against the tape and couldn't stop himself._

 _"Oh my God, Casey!" Kelly exclaimed as he stepped over the man and came over to him._

 _Severide picked up the knife off the floor and used it to cut Casey's wrists free. With his free hand, he took out his phone and called 911. Casey screamed and shook his head, not wanting the cops to be brought into this, but Kelly didn't notice it. Casey screamed even louder to try and warn Severide that the man was getting back up and moving towards him. The man kicked Kelly in the back of the head and he fell on the floor and his phone got tossed clear across the room. As Severide and the other man started fighting, Casey took advantage of his freshly liberated hands and ripped the tape off his mouth, then hurriedly pulled his underwear and jeans back up, hoping to God that Severide hadn't gotten a good enough look at him before that point._

 _The phone! Casey scrambled across the floor, grabbed the phone shakily with both hands. He could hear the 911 dispatcher talking, and he disconnected the call. No cops, there would be no cops, no cops, no EMS, no doctors, he couldn't live with anyone else knowing what happened here tonight._

Casey opened his eyes and looked across the street at the courthouse. Was he really doing this? Was he really going to go in there and tell a hundred people what had happened to him?

He hung his head low and took a couple of breaths.

Yes. He was.

He opened the door and stepped out of his truck and headed across the street. That's when he noticed something, or rather someone standing between two of the parked cars outside the courthouse.

"Herrmann?"

"Hey lieutenant!" Herrmann called as he walked over to meet him. "You ready?"

"What's going on, Herrmann? Why are you here..." Casey turned and saw another familiar face. "Chief?"

"I told you we would respect your wishes and stay out of the courtroom today," Wallace told him. "But we are going to be seeing you through the doors anyway."

Casey looked past Boden and saw Otis, Cruz, Mouch, Capp and Tony all standing by the curb. Matt turned back to the others and was at a loss for words.

"We're behind you all the way, Casey," Christopher told him, "now go in there and take no prisoners."

"How did you know I would actually show up?" he asked.

Herrmann clapped him on the back, looked him straight in the eyes and said simply, "Leaders lead from the front, right?"

Casey slowly nodded, then he turned to the others, and walked up the sidewalk to the courthouse, with seven of the most important people in his life marching right behind him. They neared the entrance, Casey stopped, turned around, faced the others, they saluted him, then turned and left. Casey sucked in one more breath and stepped into the building.

 _"Chief Boden once told me a hero isn't someone who's unafraid. It's someone who's scared to death and does the right thing anyway."_

Casey knew it was going to be hell, and probably wouldn't even be worth it. But if things were ever going to get better for other victims, _somebody_ had to be brave enough to step forward and get the ball rolling, and he was a leader, he _couldn't_ back down, he couldn't, and he wouldn't, no matter how much he wanted to. He would lead from the front, no matter what the outcome.

He looked around and very quickly he spotted Peter Stone in the hallway.

"Matt," Peter said as he came up to him, "are you ready?"

He thought about it for a second.

"Yeah, I am, let's go."

* * *

Court had been out for the day for two hours by the time Casey finally returned home. He stepped inside, closed the door, and called out for Severide, noting that his car was parked out front.

Kelly came out of the kitchen looking anxious. "I've been trying to call you for hours! How did it go?"

Casey took off his jacket and answered, "It was...very interesting. We all sat around for almost an hour...and he never showed up."

"What?" Kelly asked.

"Cardoza, he didn't appear," Casey shook his head. "His lawyer swears he has no idea where he is, the judge issued a bench warrant for his arrest."

Kelly stood there with his mouth open and a dumbstruck look on his face for several seconds before he finally asked, "Well, isn't this good news? I mean doesn't this prove he's guilty? An innocent person shows up to trial."

"It proves he's guilty of failure to appear, past that, I don't know," Casey replied as he sat down at the dining room table.

"Maybe he decided he would be convicted and he skipped bail," Severide thought.

"All I know is it saved me the trouble of testifying _today_ , but when and if they find him, then we'll be called again," Casey said as he stood up.

"Well, it's after 7, where've you been all this time?" Kelly asked.

"Just...walking around," Casey answered, "I needed to clear my head after all this."

"I was worried, man."

"Sorry," Casey said. "I just...how ironic is this? I'm the one who didn't want to do this, I didn't want to go to court, and _he's_ the one that doesn't show up."

"See, you worried for nothing," Kelly said. "I asked you to trust me."

"I know."

Casey latched onto Severide and hugged him fiercely.

"I couldn't have survived this if you weren't here," he said, feeling his eyes sting as tears started to build up.

Severide patted him on the back and told him, "It's alright. We'll get through this."

Casey inhaled, and crinkled his nose and pulled back from Kelly. "What's that smell?"

"Oh, I'm cooking dinner," Severide told him.

Casey turned on his heel and asked, "Where's the fire extinguisher?"

"Stop," Severide playfully slapped his side, "I thought you'd be back sooner, I've had it on low so it didn't burn."

"So how'd it go with your mom?" Casey asked as they headed to the kitchen.

"Oh, I was going to tell you about that. Not to take away from what happened to you at court today, but no sooner do I get my mom on her plane, I get a call. Benny is at 51 and he's looking for me."

Casey turned towards him, "Benny?"

"I know, right?" Severide said as he picked up two pot holders. "He tells me he and his buddies decided to get a head start on their ice fishing this year...and he stopped by to drop off some crappie fish he caught."

"Crappy fish?" Casey asked.

"Shay loved it," Kelly said as he took a foil covered pan out of the oven and put it on top of the stove.

Casey peeled back the foil and let the onslaught of steam escape before venturing for a closer look.

"Looks interesting," he said.

* * *

Casey woke up with his face buried in a pillow he was hugging with both arms, and realized he was on the couch in the living room. He slowly looked around and saw light starting to come in through the windows. He tried sitting up, and saw Severide coming in from the kitchen.

"What time is it?" he croaked out.

"Morning, sleeping beauty," Kelly said teasingly. "How're you feeling?"

"Hung over," Matt answered, "what'd we do last night?"

"After dinner? We drank a couple cases of beer, cleared out half of the stuff in the fridge, and you fell asleep after Michael Myers killed about 20 people."

Casey grunted, "I don't remember that." He got to his feet, unsteadily at first, then found his equilibrium, and grumbled, "I need a shower, and an Alka-Seltzer the size of a hockey puck."

There was a knock at the door that got both of their attention.

"Who's that?" Casey asked.

"You expecting anyone?" Kelly asked.

Casey shook his head. "You?"

"Nope."

They went to the door to see what was going on. Casey was definitely not expecting to see the person standing on the other side.

"Voight!"

"How're you doing, Matt?" the Intelligence sergeant asked. As usual, Voight had a completely unreadable expression on his face and it was impossible to tell if he'd been up for hours or just clocked in for the day, though there did appear to be some hint of concern for the firefighter in his eyes when Casey looked at him.

"I'll get back to you later on that, what're you doing here?" he asked.

Voight showed himself in and said, "I need to ask you two a couple questions, and I want you to know up front this is just routine, just a formality I need to cross off, it's not personal."

"What is it?" Kelly asked.

"Where were you two last night?" Hank asked.

"Here," Casey said. "Why?"

"All night?"

"Yeah."

"Doing what?"

"We had dinner, then we watched TV," Kelly answered slightly defensively.

"Hm," Voight grunted, "What was on?"

"A 'Halloween' marathon."

"Till when?"

"All night," Severide answered.

Voight looked at Casey, "And you were up all night for it?"

"No, Casey fell asleep after two of them," Kelly said.

"And you?"

"I saw a couple more, finally fell asleep about 4 AM."

"And you're sure that Casey never got up and left?" Voight asked.

"He couldn't, he slept on the couch," Kelly answered. "I slept in the chair."

"Hm, cozy," Voight remarked. "Well, it's good enough for me, I just had to check."

"Hank, what's this about?" Casey asked.

Voight looked at him. "Harris Cardoza, he didn't appear at court yesterday."

"I know, the judge issued a warrant for his arrest," Casey said.

"Uh huh, well that's probably irrelevant now. Patrolmen responded to a disturbance call from Cardoza's residence last night...he wasn't there, but there was a large amount of blood on the floor. They tested the blood, matched it to Cardoza. Crime scene techs figure there had to be..." Voight shrugged his shoulders, "eight pints in all. Figure a guy Cardoza's size would have about 12 pints in him."

Kelly and Casey turned and looked at each other.

"Like I said, I just had to rule you out," Voight said. "Seems maybe one of his other victims got word about his arrest, saw his picture, put two and two together, and took advantage of his being released on bail. Which effectively takes care of your problem for you as well, Casey. I'll see you round."

Voight showed himself out and left the two lieutenants standing in the middle of the room in a stupor. Severide turned to Casey to say something, but saw there was a blank look on his face.

"Casey, you okay?"

Casey's knees buckled and he collapsed, Severide caught him just before he hit the floor.

"Casey!"

Severide eased Casey on the floor and laid him flat on his back. Casey's eyes started to open and he looked up at Severide, "What happened?"

"You fainted, are you alright?" Kelly asked as he helped Casey back to his feet.

Casey looked at Kelly for a few seconds, then said more as a question than not, "It's...over?"

"Sounds like it."

Casey said again, "It's over?"

"Yeah."

Casey's mouth hung open for a second, then he all but jumped on Severide and let out a loud triumphant yell and exclaimed in disbelief, "It's over!"

Severide felt Casey's body go limp against him and he helped Casey down before he fell down again. Casey knelt on the floor and Severide could see tears in his eyes. Casey simultaneously sobbed and laughed as he wrapped his arms around Severide's neck as he kept repeating, "It's over, it's over, it's over, thank God it's over."

Kelly hugged his best friend in return and said, "I told you it'd be alright."

Casey leaned against him and cried, this time it was in relief. Kelly felt his own eyes tearing up and buried his face in Casey's shoulder, Matt would never know what it meant to Severide to hear him so happy, and he would never know what it had taken for that to be possible. He heard Casey switch to a hysterical, almost shrieking laugh and felt something choking him, he pulled back and realized it was Matt grabbing two fistfuls of Severide's shirt and using it as leverage to shake him. Severide laughed as the two of them toppled over and fell flat on the floor, and they stayed there, laughing like a couple of idiots, until neither of them could breathe.

A/N: This could very easily have been the end of the story, but there will be one more chapter.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Well, here we are finally, the last chapter. I would like to thank everybody who took the time to read and review this story, I'm glad you have enjoyed it!

The night Casey smashed his bedroom mirror and Severide had to doctor his hand up, after he got Casey settled on the couch for the night and he was finally asleep, Severide went into the kitchen with his phone and dialed Rhonda's number.

He heard her pick up, and heard her groggy voice, _"Kelly, what's the matter?"_

Too much to explain. Instead, all he could manage was a hopeless, "I need help."

She sounded more awake now, "What's the matter?"

And he started telling her, and then he couldn't stop, long before he finally did stop he was crying openly as he recounted the hell both he and Casey had been through since his attack.

"Kelly, calm down and breathe," Rhonda told him, "when did this happen?"

"About three weeks ago."

"Okay. What would be a good time you could bring Matt and come out to see me?"

He shook his head, "I don't know...in a few days maybe."

"Okay, do that. Just give me a heads up, and I'll be ready."

He sucked in a shaky breath, "Thanks, Rhonda."

"Anytime."

He disconnected the call, and sat at the table for a while, he wasn't sure what to do now. Then a thought came to him, and he dialed another number.

A much older, gruffer, tired voice answered, "Kelly, is this you?"

"Benny..."

There must've been something in his voice that tipped his dad off something was wrong, the next thing he heard was, "What's the matter, Kelly?"

"I need to talk to you, something horrible happened."

"What is it?"

"Not now...I can't talk about it on the phone...or in public...can you come to Chicago?"

"Yeah, sure, I can be there in an hour, are you okay?"

"No, Da-don't come tonight...look, I'll be on shift in 2 days, I'll be able to talk to you then, I'll call you when I'm free, do you know a place we can talk in private?"

"Sure, Kelly, sure...I'll be there."

* * *

During the night portion of their next shift, Severide had once again managed to get Casey to crash in the bunk room. It was still a couple hours until everybody else was planning to conk out until further notice, which suited Casey, who didn't want to have to actually explain to anybody why he wouldn't sleep in his own bunk in his office. Once Kelly was sure Casey was in a dead sleep, he prayed that no calls would come in for the next hour or so, and he went to speak to Boden.

"I need to cut out for about an hour, Chief, Erin just sent me a text, says they want me at the 21st to check out something they got a heads up on that Stone might be able to use if it checks out, they didn't think Casey's presence would be necessary right now."

"Then go," Boden said.

"Thanks."

As Severide headed for the apparatus floor, he passed by Brian and asked him, "Otis, what're you doing right now?"

"Nothing at the moment."

"Good, Casey's out cold in the bunk room, I have to leave for an hour, do me a favor, go up there, take my spot, if he wakes up, tell him my car got towed or something and I had to take off," Kelly told him.

"Got it, Severide," Otis said, though he didn't really get it.

Kelly went to meet his dad at a sparsely populated restaurant of Benny's choosing. He arrived just as he saw Benny getting out of a car and he marched over to see him.

"Kelly."

"Thanks for coming."

"You sounded worried on the phone, what's the matter?" Benny asked.

"I need your help," Kelly said.

"Well come on, let's go in...we'll take a table at the back, nobody ever sits there."

* * *

Benny put his hands on the tabletop and leaned forward as he asked in disbelief, "Matt Casey?"

"Now you know why I couldn't tell you on the phone," Kelly said. "Everything is falling apart, I asked him to trust me, I thought if we went to the police, that this guy would rot in prison. Now it looks like he could walk."

"Ah geez, son," Benny sighed, "how's Matt doing?"

"Falling apart, he's done everything he can not to, but it's just neverending, and if the judge decides there's enough evidence, it's going to be months before it ever goes to trial and Casey is going to be slandered in the press every single day until that point," Severide explained.

"And how are you doing, Kelly?"

Severide sighed and slammed his head against the table. "I wish everybody would quit asking me that, ever since it happened, all anybody says is 'Severide, how are _you_ holding up?' What part of 'Casey's the one who was attacked, not me' can't anybody around here get?"

"And yet, it's plain to see that this has hurt you a lot too," Benny told him. "Son, it's okay to admit it, it doesn't take anything away from Matt."

"I don't know what to do anymore," Kelly admitted.

"Yes you do, that's why you called me, right?" Benny asked.

"I know it's a big favor to ask and it's a huge risk to take, and I wouldn't have asked you if I could think of any other way to fix this but I..."

Benny reached over and patted his hand on Kelly's and told him, "He's your friend, Kelly, you don't have to explain anymore than that. We'll take care of this."

Kelly looked like he was ready to collapse.

"Thank you," he barely got out in an exhausted whisper. He sunk down in his seat and rested his head against the tabletop. He all but squeezed his eyes shut and felt his body wracking as a dry sob worked its way through him. The sudden feeling that everything wasn't hopeless and there was finally some light at the end of the tunnel was overwhelming to him.

"It's going to be alright, Kelly, we'll get this straightened out," his dad assured him.

Severide composed himself and sat back up in his seat.

"You know, Kelly...we got revenge for Katie, even though she wasn't around to know it."

Severide nodded.

"But I really think that Matt is going to need a little more closure than that," Benny added.

"Like what?" Kelly asked.

"You leave that to me. Now, first of all, do you have any idea where this son of a bitch is hanging out?" Benny asked.

Kelly nodded, "I can find out."

"Good, you keep tabs on him and make sure he doesn't skip town," Benny said as he put the money out for the check. "I'll get the boat ready, iron out all the details, call you when everything's ready."

"I'll be ready," Kelly told him as he got up from the table. He thought of something and added, "If Casey's around when you call, I'll just tell him it's Mom."

"Good thinking," Benny said. "I'll see you in a few days."

* * *

Benny Severide waited until Kelly had gone back to Firehouse 51, then he paid a visit to the 21st District. He went in and over to the desk sergeant and introduced himself, "My name's Benny Severide and..."

"I know who you are, Benny," Trudy looked up at him with an unamused expression. "What do you want this time?"

"Is Sergeant Voight in?"

"Just a minute," Trudy said, and buzzed upstairs to the Intelligence unit.

A few minutes later, Voight came down, and looked slightly surprised. "Benny. Long time no see. What brings you here?"

"Can I talk to you?"

Voight told his desk sergeant he was going out for dinner and would be back in half an hour. The two men went to a bar and grill nearby, and sat at the end of the bar to talk amongst themselves.

"You know what happened to Matt Casey," Benny said.

"Unfortunately I do," Voight answered.

"You know it's going to trial."

"Mm-hm."

"I know you two have history," Benny said.

"A rocky one," Voight answered.

"But I also know that you've helped him on other cases," Benny replied. "Matt Casey is my son's best friend, and right now my son is hurting because of what his friend is being put through. I just had a question as one father to another."

"Shoot," Voight said.

Benny looked at the Intelligence sergeant and asked, "Hypothetically speaking of course."

"Of course."

"What would it take for this Cardoza guy to disappear, and he never turns up...but Matt Casey can get some peace of mind that it's _impossible_ this guy could still be out there?" Benny wanted to know.

Voight considered the question. "You take biology in school, Benny?"

The former fireman laughed, "Not well, there's a reason I didn't become a doctor."

"The human body holds several pints of blood," Voight told him, "if it happens that there is more blood found somewhere than a person can reasonably get up and walk away without, that's a pretty good sign they won't be coming back."

Benny nodded. "That's good to know. You know, Voight, there aren't a whole lot of things I've done I regret...one of them is not being there for my kids when they were younger...I try and help them now when they need it, I know it's not the same but..."

Voight nodded, "We're none of us perfect when it comes to our kids. All we can do is the best we can, and hope someday when they're old enough, they realize it."

Benny got up from his stool and asked, "Sergeant, do you ever do any...ice fishing?"

"Nah," Voight shook his head, "The Chicago docks is as close to the water as I usually get."

"I took my son once...I think I will again someday," Benny said.

Voight nodded, "That's nice."

* * *

Kelly headed up the stairs and saw Casey's light on, and saw Casey once again lying on his bed staring up at the ceiling.

"Hey, you want some company?" he asked as he stuck his head in the doorway.

Casey's eyes shifted to see him, and he just shrugged.

"I'll take that as a yes for now, feel free to kick me out at any time," Severide said as he stepped into the room and went over to the unoccupied side of the bed. "So'd you tell Boden the good news?"

"Yeah," Casey answered simply.

"What'd he say?"

"He ordered both of us to sit out next shift," Casey turned his head to look at Severide. "I don't get it, I'm ready to get back there."

"Well it's a lot to take in for one day," Kelly said. "He probably just wants to make sure there's no delayed shock or anything."

"I feel fine."

"I'm glad to hear that," Kelly replied, "but you know Boden doesn't give orders without a reason."

Casey merely nodded and returned his gaze to the ceiling.

Severide didn't get what was so interesting about the ceiling tiles, but he decided to get it a try, and folded his arms under his head and looked up as he told Matt, "I know you didn't want to go to court, Casey, but I'm proud of you, you went anyway and were ready to see it through, that's something most people won't ever be able to do. That took as much guts as running into any fire, hell, probably more, because you know what to expect in a fire. And now it's all over, and you can..."

Kelly turned to look at Casey and was horrified by what he saw. Casey was lying perfectly still, and he was forcing himself to take slow, even breaths, so everything appeared normal, but Severide could see the tears running down the sides of his face.

"Casey, what's wrong?"

As if his acknowledgement broke Casey loose from a trance, his chest started heaving and his whole body wracked with sobs that tore loose, the sounds emanating from his throat weren't coherent at all and sounded like he was bordering on hyperventilation. Kelly grabbed Casey and forced him up in a sitting position on the bed.

"What's the matter, Casey?" he asked as he pulled his friend against him and lightly pressed the back of Casey's head to rest against his shoulder. He felt the spasms running through Casey's body as he tried to breathe, tried to talk. He felt Casey's arms wrap around his back and cling to him like a lifeline.

"It's over...I can't believe it's actually over," Casey choked out.

"Neither can I, but it is," Severide said as he rubbed his friend's back comfortingly.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Casey managed to get out between his frenzied sobs.

"Sorry for what?" Severide asked.

The spasms continued and it was several long seconds before Casey was able to answer, "The way I treated you...the things I said...I know...you were just...trying to help..."

Severide grimaced as he rubbed Casey's back furiously, "Calm down, Casey, breathe..."

"I'm sorry," he forced out through another wail, "I didn't mean..."

"Hey, shh, shh, it's alright, I know you didn't," Severide told him.

"All you did was try to help me, and I..."

"It's okay, I get it," Kelly said. "Casey _nobody_ should ever have to go through what you did. I'm sorry I wasn't home sooner that night."

Casey sucked in a breath that forced its way back out just as quickly as a gasping sob. He tightened his grip on Kelly and told him, "I'm glad you came home when you did. I thought I was going to die."

Severide felt his own eyes burn with tears that were starting to build up. "Don't say that!" He subconsciously tightened his hold on Casey as he told him, "It's gonna be okay, it's over, it's over, it's all over." He turned and lightly kissed Casey on the side of his head and tried to comfort his friend. As tempted as he was to tell Casey to stop crying, he knew that 1. that never worked and only had the opposite effect, and 2. this was the iceberg of what Casey had been holding onto since the attack happened, all the fear, all the guilt, all the shame, all the horror, all the grief, all the hate, everything. Every other outburst and breakdown that had taken place over the past few weeks had just been the tip of it all. It had been a great weight Matt had carried around all this time and tried to keep it contained, now he finally felt _able_ to release it all, and Severide knew he'd be better for it the next day if he could get it all out now. So he just held his best friend in his arms and assured him everything would be alright, the nightmare was finally over. Long before Casey finally wore himself out, Kelly was crying just as hard as he was.

* * *

Casey didn't come downstairs the next morning. Severide bounced around from the kitchen to the living room waiting, but around 11 A.M., he decided to go up and see what was going on. He reached Casey's room and pushed the door open and saw Matt sitting on his bed looking at the floor.

"How ya doing, buddy?" he asked.

Casey slowly looked up at him. "Oh...alright, I suppose. Just thinking...about everything that's happened."

Severide showed himself in and asked, "Want to talk about it?"

"That's what I've been trying to avoid since this whole thing started," Casey told him. "So maybe I should and I could be done with it."

Severide sat on the corner of the bed and looked at his friend. Casey's appearance was slightly disheveled but for the most part he looked all there, just like he'd had a rough night, which he definitely did. He still looked better than he had for weeks.

Casey looked at him uncomfortably and explained, "I've tried _not_ to think about what happened, _not_ to deal with it, since it all happened, and all I did was obsess about it all the time. Soon as I got in at night, locked the door, wouldn't go out until the morning, couldn't sleep, couldn't stop thinking about it all...wondering, what should I have done differently? What should I have done to stop it? I mean there had to be something, right? There's _always_ a way out, and if there isn't one, you _make_ one, we learn that on the job...but I've gone over that night in my mind about a thousand times...and there's just nothing. It all happened so fast, it didn't even seem real, like it wasn't happening, like it was a dream...and then it became _very_ real, _all_ too real...and it was the worst thing that I had ever lived through."

Casey's eyes shifted around, focusing away from Severide though he still faced him, finally they moved more towards the ceiling as he pushed himself to continue. "At first it was kind of a blur, I couldn't really tell what was happening...and when I realized it was...I...I was so scared...I didn't want to die...so I decided I wouldn't resist, because I didn't want him to kill me. Then when I saw the knife, I thought...he's just going to kill me anyway...and...the pain was _so_ bad...I started to wish I _would_ die just so it would all be over."

"Casey..."

Matt raised a hand and looked at him, he didn't want Severide to interrupt him. "The whole time it was happening, it never occurred to me that anybody might come in...as soon as the lights went on, a dozen different things went through my mind. Did he have someone with him? Were there two of them, or more? Was this nightmare actually going to end? And when I saw you...I should've just been so relieved that somebody was there to help...but nothing could make me forget the position I was in, and I was horrified about...what you would think when you saw me, and I just wished I was dead so I didn't have to go through that. When you were calling for help, all I could think about was 'God, no, everybody's going to know, everybody's going to see me like this, I'll never live this down...' worst of all, 'nobody at 51 will ever have any respect for me again'. Believe me, I know how ridiculous it sounds...but at the time it felt like a very real possibility. The morning after, when you pinned me to the table..."

Severide grinned and said with a laugh, "When you were trying to kill me!"

The hint of a smile formed on Casey's face in remembrance, but it faded as he explained, "After I chickened out of the rape kit, I wasn't sure what you were going to think about me either. And you start asking me, did I know the guy...did I let him in?"

The grin disappeared from Severide's face for a more somber look as he realized what it had to mean for Casey at the time.

Casey shook his head. "I didn't know what to make of that...I just thought...'is he seriously blaming me for this?'"

"But I wasn't."

"I know...I know, you were just trying to figure it out, just like me...all the stuff I did, as horrible as I was to you when you were just trying to help, I just kept figuring sooner or later you'd have enough and storm out of here...but you didn't. Why didn't you?"

"Because we're friends," Severide told him.

"And that's stopped us before?" Casey asked.

"Okay, fair point, but this was different, Casey...I _couldn't_ walk out on you, no matter what you did, I wasn't going to let you be alone and going through all this."

Casey sheepishly looked towards the floor again and said, "I appreciate it...I know it didn't seem like it...but I did. It meant a lot having someone around so I _knew_ I wasn't alone...didn't have to wonder 'could it happen again? What if he comes back?' I think having you here all that time is the only thing that kept me from losing my mind."

Severide had no idea how to respond to that.

"I'm just sorry I didn't get here sooner," he told Casey.

"Any other night, you wouldn't have been home at all," Matt pointed out. "I'm just glad you came home when you did...I don't want to think about what could have happened if you didn't, unfortunately it's something I haven't been able to _stop_ thinking about, so...I'm glad to just cut my losses. I can live with what happened... I can deal with it...I'm just grateful you stopped it when you did."

Kelly couldn't think of any words that would do any justice to the situation. He just reached over and pulled Casey into a tight embrace and clapped a hand on his back.

"You okay, buddy?" he finally asked after a short pause.

"Getting there," Casey answered as he pulled back.

"Good. You need to get a shower and look like a person again, I got a message from Otis that our presence is required at Molly's tomorrow night, and it's not optional," Severide told him.

Casey looked at him with a puzzled expression. "For what?"

* * *

"There he is!" Herrmann announced.

All the guys from 51 let out a loud welcoming cheer as they saw Casey and Severide enter Molly's. Casey stopped in his tracks and took in the sudden commotion, as well as the hanging balloons and the large homemade banner hanging right over the bar that said 'Congratulations Casey'.

"Oh my God," Matt said with embarrassment, "you weren't kidding about that."

"Hey lieutenant, come on up to the bar and have a seat," Herrmann called to him.

"Uh oh," Casey groaned as Severide laughed and more or less shoved him over to the bar.

"We wanted to do this right and celebrate your victory," Herrmann said. He bent down behind the counter and came up with a pink bakery box.

"I'm afraid to ask," Casey said.

Herrmann came around the bar and set the box on the counter and threw up the lid, revealing a large rectangular cake with white frosting and in the middle, written in red icing were two words: Leaders Lead.

"I don't get it," Casey said, "It never went to court, I never got to testify."

"Yeah, but you were gonna, that's all that counts," Herrmann told him.

Casey felt humbled, and overwhelmed. "I don't know what to say," he said, and looked around at the others, "you guys didn't have to do this."

"Of course we did," Boden replied, "we celebrate every win for one of our own. And they don't come a whole lot bigger than this." He clapped a strong hand on Casey's back and asked, "How're you doing, Matt?"

"Uh...still coming to terms with everything," he confessed, "but for the most part...good, I think things are slowly getting back to normal."

"That's good to hear," Boden said, "but the offer still stands, you need anything, _anything_ , you let us know, got it?"

Casey nodded with a small smile, "Copy that, Chief."

"Alright, let's get this party started!" Joe said.

Otis started some loud music playing, Herrmann had to yell to be heard over it as he announced, "Alright everybody, drinks on the house!"

Kelly came over to Casey and told him, "Well you look like you're doing alright. Congratulations, buddy."

"Thanks."

"Well, you have fun, I'll see you later."

"Where're you going?" Casey asked.

Kelly answered nonchalantly with a smile, "Gonna go drink myself stupid and go home with some bimbo like every other night of the week."

Casey grimaced at his own words. "I'm sorry, Severide, I didn't mean that."

"I know, but we both know there's a _little_ truth in there somewhere," Kelly lightly slapped Casey on the shoulder and told him, "See ya tomorrow, buddy." And with that, Severide turned and walked off.

"So lieutenant, what'll it be?" Herrmann asked.

"Uh..." Casey wracked his brain, "I'll take a Manhattan."

"Coming right up."

Casey saw Otis coming his way and turned to tell him thanks for the party, but stopped when he saw Brian more or less zombie walking his way.

"Otis, you okay?" he asked as he stood up.

Otis looked straight ahead, didn't even appear to see Casey, and answered, sounding like he was in a daze, "Uh yeah, everything's fine...it's just...this woman that came in..." and with no further explanation, Otis staggered off like he'd just seen a ghost.

Casey realized what Otis was trying to say and he looked around the bar frantically. And finally, he saw her.

Seated at the other end of the bar, looking every bit like Leslie Shay was alive and well again, there was Rhonda Lind, stirring her drink monotonously. She looked across the room at him and he just stared on in awe.

"Here's your Manhattan, lieutenant," Herrmann said as he put the glass in front of Casey. "Enjoy."

Casey turned back towards him, then looked back at the woman seated across from him, staring at him knowingly. Rhonda picked up her Long Island iced tea and raised it in a silent toast. Casey smiled and nodded, then picked up his glass and raised it in return.

* * *

Severide yawned as he closed the door behind him. It was going on 3 in the morning and he'd had a lousy night trying to meet a woman. He found one that seemed interested, went home with her, wound up passing out on her couch, then was rudely awakened and found out that she had a husband she hadn't bothered telling him about. Instead of looking for another bar that was still open, he decided to go home and sleep off the rest of the night.

Casey's truck was in the driveway, good, he'd gotten home alright anyway. He went up the steps, tried the door, found it locked, took that as a good sign. He unlocked the door, headed in, quietly moved from room to room, making sure Casey wasn't parked on the couch for the night, no sign of him. Not so quietly he made his way up the stairs, and saw a light coming from Casey's bedroom. He stopped there first and poked his head in.

"Hey Casey, do you..."

He stopped when he realized Casey was in bed and sound asleep. The light he'd seen was coming from the TV that had been left on, but the sound had been muted. Kelly walked over, found the remote, turned the TV off, and waited. Casey never stirred. He was wrapped up in the covers, and Severide would be damned if it didn't actually look like there was a smile on Casey's face while he slept. It looked like the worst truly was over.

"Sleep tight, buddy," Severide said with a tired smile as he backed out of the room and went to get in his own bed and call it a night. It had taken a long time, and some drastic measures he and several others would take to their graves, but it felt to Kelly like life was suddenly starting to get good again.


End file.
